After 42 years, I am ready to fully retire from my role as C.H.O.
What on earth is a C.H.O? Chief Happiness Officer.
This post is not meant to be a big martyr piece where I am looking for pity, I've just come to terms with this part of me this year and the cusp of a new year seems like the right time to let it go.
So, what is a Chief Happiness Officer?
It is a person who tries to keep everyone happy, all of the time. It's an impossibly difficult role, and a wee bit of an arrogant one I might add. It pre-supposes that I know what will make everyone around me happy at all times. As you can imagine, it is not a role where I experience a lot of success and most often it's extremely frustrating. I often find myself balancing off one person's happiness for another's and somewhere, often as an afterthought, my own.
I imagine some of you who know me well are thinking, 'that's not true, Jodi is often selfish and makes choices that serve her own happiness'. Yes, you are right, I have my moments and I'm working at getting better. But, when push comes to shove and I have to be honest and say 'No' to something with someone who means a lot to me, 9 times out of 10 I chicken out. I don't want people to be mad at me, I don't want them not to like me and that has been my story since I was 3 years old.
I know that there is a lot of controversy over the idea of looking after your own happiness. The concept of obligation is well embedded in our culture and people are very quick to label you as self-centred when you do something for yourself instead of others. I know this, because I have some friends that are better at this than I am and I've often found myself defending them to others.
Why is it assumed that if a person does something to make themselves happy, they are hurting someone else? Isn't my own happiness the only thing I can be sure of? I mean truly, who am I to know what will make my children, husband, mother, etc...happy? I simply can't know that. I can assume, but I can't know.
So, does this mean, I won't do anything ever to make other people happy? No, I'm just going to ensure that it makes me happy too. Actually, as I said above, I can only do things that make me happy and in doing so carry the hope that others will be happy too. I am done with the middle man role - no more negotiating, balancing, holding my breath, defending, fixating, regretting, feeling guilty...
Actually, maybe retirement isn't the right term - maybe it's reassignment - this year I will be the Chief Happiness Officer only for myself and I will hand the role back to the rightful owners of your happiness...You.
Wishing you all choices that bring you happiness in the coming year!
