It's been 8 days since I started my Joyous Journey. I'm noticing, that I am now noticing, a lot of things bring me joy. I take quite a lot of pictures now, of sometimes crazy things, and it is really fun (maybe not for you the audience - but I assure you, I'm having fun:). I can honestly say that a majority of my day is spent in joy. What I don't know is if it's always been that way or if because I'm now more aware of it, I'm seeing it more. Really doesn't matter though - joy feels great.
Which brings me to another thought I've been having about feelings since finishing The Untethered Soul a couple of weeks ago. Somehow through life, I picked up that some feelings are good to feel and others are bad. There are some feelings that you just aren't 'supposed' to have. You shouldn't feel sad - if you are sad, you are depressed. You shouldn't hate your brother or sister, you must love them at all times. You shouldn't feel grumpy, just put on a happy face. You shouldn't be jealous, guilty, hurt, angry, frustrated... So what are we supposed to feel? Love, joy, happiness, awe, wonder, elation, gratitude - are definitely a few that would make the 'should' list. Can you relate?
The thought I have here is why should we feel bad about having a feeling? Feelings just happen. They come as a result of some stimulus and we naturally respond with an emotion. What I've learned, by being 'trained' to see some feelings as 'bad' is that I haven't allowed myself to fully feel them so they sort of sit there in my body, waiting for the next situation to erupt so that they can get the attention they deserve. But, when the next situation appears, they just get stuffed on back down again. I am a firm believer that these 'stuffed' down feelings lead to illness if they are not released.
Anyways, I think this thinking needs to stop. Feelings are just feelings. What I like about the book is that it invites to you feel what you feel and let it pass through you. I'm finding it helpful to see myself as a straw. So, if I'm feeling a 'bad' feeling, I just let myself feel it and let it just move on through. I don't try to make it make sense or rationalize it away, I just feel it. Last week I woke up feeling extreme jealousy for somebody that I love dearly. Pre-untethered soul I would have said something to myself like, 'why are you feeling jealous of X - she's your best friend' and pushed myself to move past it. Instead, I just let myself feel jealous. I didn't stew in jealousy, I just allowed myself to feel it and let it go. It sounds easy, and on the surface it is, but it does take a lot of self talk against the programmed self talk. When the voice inside me says, 'you are a bad person to be jealous of X', I say 'no, I'm not, I just feel jealous. I better stop here or you'll worry about the voices in my head:)
Anyway, do you allow yourself to feel 'bad' feelings without beating yourself up for it? Do you allow your loved ones to feel what they feel without attaching judgement? I invite you to try it.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
Wednesday, 22 January 2014
Jodi's Joyous Journey
Sounds a little like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure doesn't it:) Maybe I will make it into a movie one day, hmmm....
Today, I had the great fortune of seeing Wanda at On The Other Hand Massage. I went in, I'll admit, kinda grumpy. Up to that point I was being aggravated and irritated by my day. And the worst thing about reading self-help books is that I know being grumpy was a choice I was making but damned if I could pull myself out of it.
Anyway, as I was enjoying my wonderful massage, Wanda shared with me a 100-day challenge that her daughter is undertaking. The gist of it is that for 100 days, she is challenging herself to take a picture of one thing each day that brings her joy. I am so inspired, I'm going to do it and share it on social media with you. Here, on my blog, I'll share with you any feelings, thoughts, ideas, sensations that I am noticing through the journey.
The point here is that if I want to feel more joy, I am going to look for more joyous things & experiences, constantly. This isn't rocket science - it's just choosing.
The first part of this journey is to know what joy really feels like for me. Do you know what joy fully feels like for you? For me, my heart feels full like a balloon - I can feel it physically in my chest - and of course, it makes me smile. I stand a little taller, walk a little quicker, make eye contact and laugh easily. The cool thing in this journey is that it will make me notice how many things truly bring me joy and how often I feel it in any given day. My hope is that I find myself taking a lot more than one picture a day - but my rule is, no repeats.
So here we go...oh, and by the way, writing and sharing this blog brings me pure joy - just kind of weird to take a picture of:)
Today, I had the great fortune of seeing Wanda at On The Other Hand Massage. I went in, I'll admit, kinda grumpy. Up to that point I was being aggravated and irritated by my day. And the worst thing about reading self-help books is that I know being grumpy was a choice I was making but damned if I could pull myself out of it.
Anyway, as I was enjoying my wonderful massage, Wanda shared with me a 100-day challenge that her daughter is undertaking. The gist of it is that for 100 days, she is challenging herself to take a picture of one thing each day that brings her joy. I am so inspired, I'm going to do it and share it on social media with you. Here, on my blog, I'll share with you any feelings, thoughts, ideas, sensations that I am noticing through the journey.
The point here is that if I want to feel more joy, I am going to look for more joyous things & experiences, constantly. This isn't rocket science - it's just choosing.
The first part of this journey is to know what joy really feels like for me. Do you know what joy fully feels like for you? For me, my heart feels full like a balloon - I can feel it physically in my chest - and of course, it makes me smile. I stand a little taller, walk a little quicker, make eye contact and laugh easily. The cool thing in this journey is that it will make me notice how many things truly bring me joy and how often I feel it in any given day. My hope is that I find myself taking a lot more than one picture a day - but my rule is, no repeats.
So here we go...oh, and by the way, writing and sharing this blog brings me pure joy - just kind of weird to take a picture of:)
Monday, 20 January 2014
Anti-Achievement
Today I'm sitting wondering why the world seems to have become so against rewarding achievement in children.
I just spent the weekend at a hockey tournament in Caroline with my second son. It was a Tier 5, Atom tournament which for anyone who doesn't know hockey, is 9-11 year old kids and 5 levels below the most competitive one for that age group. Our team played excellent hockey, probably the best I've seen them play all year - every kid gave maximum effort and they ended up winning the tournament. When it came down to receiving their awards, the organizers gave the winning team and the losing team the same award. It was very interesting watching the kids, because all of them noticed it. All of these kids asked the same question, why did we get the same award as the losing team when we won?
So, what are your thoughts - why did they?
I have a lot of thoughts about this one. I think there was an assumption made about Tier 5 hockey players. Just because they aren't the most elite players, the thinking was perhaps that winning doesn't really matter to them. Or possibly, because they aren't elite players maybe it's just about promoting everyone having fun and there isn't really a winner. If that's the case, why keep score at all?
Here's the thing I've noticed, winning always matters to kids. It may be to different degrees in each kid, but it matters. Watch them when they are free-playing and organizing their own games - there is always a way to "win". It feels like it is just a natural part of what makes us human and I think it's ok. It is ok to want to achieve, in fact it's more than ok, that is what makes our world work. In the work world, adults that strive to achieve get raises and promotions. As employers, we want our people to achieve.
I feel that with kids, the pendulum has swung to far in the opposite direction. In an effort to eliminate uber-competitive, downright nasty behaviour that does hurt feelings, we've eliminated rewarding achievement full-stop. This is not serving our kids. Why can't we positively recognize the strengths and efforts of the achievers? Why should they not feel good about that? There is a way to recognize achievers without hurting those that have other strengths. The real thing we should be teaching is sportsmanship and humility.
Now, I know there are some of you that are probably thinking external reward and recognition is not what it's all about, that children should just get self-satisfaction and feel good about their winning effort. OK - I get that, and I think they do. But think about it, if you over-achieve at work and your co-worker just drifts along and you never get a raise, how self-satisfied do you think you would be? How long do you think you would keep trying extra hard and over-achieving? Come on, really think about it. External reward does matter - it keeps us going.
I've watched this anti-achievement sentiment in other arenas than sports too. I watched my oldest son bust his butt to get an assignment done and handed in on time when he was in grade 5 - numerous times. When I asked, how did you do he said, I don't know, some kids didn't hand theirs in so the due date was extended. What do you think he learned from that? How important do you think he takes due dates now in grade 7? I keep telling him to do the right thing and be proud but seriously....
When I read a story this past fall about a school in Calgary eliminating the honour roll I felt absolutely sick. I was an honour roll student and getting on that list mattered a lot to me. I wasn't a sports superstar so academics was my thing. I think it made the difference between being and 80's student and being a 90's student. I believe knowing that my name would be acknowledge made me work 10% harder at least. Don't we want that?
Achievement needs to matter again. Not with a 'winning at all costs' mentality attached to it - but let's work at teaching that instead of taking away recognition for those who deserve it.
I just spent the weekend at a hockey tournament in Caroline with my second son. It was a Tier 5, Atom tournament which for anyone who doesn't know hockey, is 9-11 year old kids and 5 levels below the most competitive one for that age group. Our team played excellent hockey, probably the best I've seen them play all year - every kid gave maximum effort and they ended up winning the tournament. When it came down to receiving their awards, the organizers gave the winning team and the losing team the same award. It was very interesting watching the kids, because all of them noticed it. All of these kids asked the same question, why did we get the same award as the losing team when we won?
So, what are your thoughts - why did they?
I have a lot of thoughts about this one. I think there was an assumption made about Tier 5 hockey players. Just because they aren't the most elite players, the thinking was perhaps that winning doesn't really matter to them. Or possibly, because they aren't elite players maybe it's just about promoting everyone having fun and there isn't really a winner. If that's the case, why keep score at all?
Here's the thing I've noticed, winning always matters to kids. It may be to different degrees in each kid, but it matters. Watch them when they are free-playing and organizing their own games - there is always a way to "win". It feels like it is just a natural part of what makes us human and I think it's ok. It is ok to want to achieve, in fact it's more than ok, that is what makes our world work. In the work world, adults that strive to achieve get raises and promotions. As employers, we want our people to achieve.
I feel that with kids, the pendulum has swung to far in the opposite direction. In an effort to eliminate uber-competitive, downright nasty behaviour that does hurt feelings, we've eliminated rewarding achievement full-stop. This is not serving our kids. Why can't we positively recognize the strengths and efforts of the achievers? Why should they not feel good about that? There is a way to recognize achievers without hurting those that have other strengths. The real thing we should be teaching is sportsmanship and humility.
Now, I know there are some of you that are probably thinking external reward and recognition is not what it's all about, that children should just get self-satisfaction and feel good about their winning effort. OK - I get that, and I think they do. But think about it, if you over-achieve at work and your co-worker just drifts along and you never get a raise, how self-satisfied do you think you would be? How long do you think you would keep trying extra hard and over-achieving? Come on, really think about it. External reward does matter - it keeps us going.
I've watched this anti-achievement sentiment in other arenas than sports too. I watched my oldest son bust his butt to get an assignment done and handed in on time when he was in grade 5 - numerous times. When I asked, how did you do he said, I don't know, some kids didn't hand theirs in so the due date was extended. What do you think he learned from that? How important do you think he takes due dates now in grade 7? I keep telling him to do the right thing and be proud but seriously....
When I read a story this past fall about a school in Calgary eliminating the honour roll I felt absolutely sick. I was an honour roll student and getting on that list mattered a lot to me. I wasn't a sports superstar so academics was my thing. I think it made the difference between being and 80's student and being a 90's student. I believe knowing that my name would be acknowledge made me work 10% harder at least. Don't we want that?
Achievement needs to matter again. Not with a 'winning at all costs' mentality attached to it - but let's work at teaching that instead of taking away recognition for those who deserve it.
Thursday, 9 January 2014
Wonder
Have you ever noticed the wonder in a baby's eyes?
I want to see the world like that again,
With eyes that are always surprised and delighted.
No expectation, no disappointment, just wonder.
Remember when life delighted you like that?
It did and it can again.
We just need to choose to see it with those eyes.
The eyes haven't changed, the world beyond the eyes hasn't changed, so what has?
The mind behind the eyes.
It's just the mind that distorts what the eyes see,
The mind brings forward memories and pain that clouds the delight,
But that's not real.
Like the sun, it just needs a little light and the clouds will dissipate.
And then we will see again,
See the beauty and drink it in.
I want to see the world like that again,
I invite and welcome the light.
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