Goodbye C.H.O

After 42 years, I am ready to fully retire from my role as C.H.O.

What on earth is a C.H.O?  Chief Happiness Officer.

This post is not meant to be a big martyr piece where I am looking for pity, I've just come to terms with this part of me this year and the cusp of a new year seems like the right time to let it go.

So, what is a Chief Happiness Officer?

It is a person who tries to keep everyone happy, all of the time. It's an impossibly difficult role, and a wee bit of an arrogant one I might add.  It pre-supposes that I know what will make everyone around me happy at all times.  As you can imagine, it is not a role where I experience a lot of success and most often it's extremely frustrating.  I often find myself balancing off one person's happiness for another's and somewhere, often as an afterthought, my own.

I imagine some of you who know me well are thinking, 'that's not true, Jodi is often selfish and makes choices that serve her own happiness'.  Yes, you are right, I have my moments and I'm working at getting better.  But, when push comes to shove and I have to be honest and say 'No' to something with someone who means a lot to me, 9 times out of 10 I chicken out.  I don't want people to be mad at me, I don't want them not to like me and that has been my story since I was 3 years old.

I know that there is a lot of controversy over the idea of looking after your own happiness.  The concept of obligation is well embedded in our culture and people are very quick to label you as self-centred when you do something for yourself instead of others.  I know this, because I have some friends that are better at this than I am and I've often found myself defending them to others.

Why is it assumed that if a person does something to make themselves happy, they are hurting someone else?  Isn't my own happiness the only thing I can be sure of?  I mean truly, who am I to know what will make my children, husband, mother, etc...happy?  I simply can't know that.  I can assume, but I can't know.

So, does this mean, I won't do anything ever to make other people happy?  No, I'm just going to ensure that it makes me happy too.  Actually, as I said above, I can only do things that make me happy and in doing so carry the hope that others will be happy too.  I am done with the middle man role - no more negotiating, balancing, holding my breath, defending, fixating, regretting, feeling guilty...

Actually, maybe retirement isn't the right term - maybe it's reassignment - this year I will be the Chief Happiness Officer only for myself and I will hand the role back to the rightful owners of your happiness...You.

Wishing you all choices that bring you happiness in the coming year!

It's Go Time!

I finally found my fitness motivation.  It's my kids.

A few weeks ago, we got a chin-up bar for Joel.  Everyone in my house can do chin-ups, except me.  Everyone!  You should see Abby go.  Jeff and Joel do those ones when your legs are horizontal at a 90 degrees...I cannot do one - really, I cannot even do half of one.

Two weeks ago, the boys started doing knuckle push-ups - you heard me - push-ups on their KNUCKLES!  I still have to do girl push-ups and not very many at that.  They had a good giggle at that one - they had never seen girl push-ups before.

The final straw...Joel pulled his right quad in hockey this weekend.  On Tuesday, I took him to his physiotherapy appointment and there were a couple of sets of stairs to get to the office.  He hopped on one leg down and up those stairs.  I thought, that looks easy, I can do that.  It's not - try it - just try hopping on one leg up 3 steps.  I have never had a great vertical but wow, that was challenging.

So yesterday, I decided, I cannot be the weak, out-of-shape member of the Dawson family and I stopped making excuses.  I dusted off my runners and went for a 20 minute run using what I learned at a running room course back in 1997 and finished off with sit-ups & push-ups.  This morning, Joel had to be up at 6 am to bike and do his physio stretches so I got up with him and rode the bike for 20 minutes.  I tried to do a chin-up - that one's going to take awhile!  I'm asking Santa to be able to do one by Christmas:).

I have tried many times over the years to establish a fitness routine that I like.  I had success a few different times but have struggled over the past 5 years.  Here's what I have learned about myself; I cannot overwhelm myself - I'm too competitive - if I try something really hard that I can't do, I will give up; fitness activities have to be fun for me and easy to fit into my day; finally, I have to have variety - if I get bored, I will quit.  Knowing all of these things, this time feels different.  I think I will be gentler and more patient with myself.  If it takes me awhile to get to a goal, that's ok - I'm not training for an Iron Man yet:).

Wish me luck - as the Mandelbaum's say in the classic Seinfeld episode - It's Go Time!

Seinfeld - It's Go Time

Punishing Many for Actions of a Few

I'm sick of this.

I think that this is a discipline technique that needs to stop. 

With all the focus on anti-bullying, I am really surprised that this is still a tactic commonly used by teachers, coaches and parents.   

You know what I'm talking about, making the whole class miss recess because a few rowdies can't be quiet;  or making the whole team do line sprints and push-ups because a couple kids are goofing off.  

I get the intent.  I'm pretty sure that the thinking is that it will teach the kids teamwork.  I think though, it does absolutely the opposite.

I listen to my kids venting their frustration about so-and-so not listening and them getting in trouble for it.  They ask me, "Mom, what are we supposed to do about it?" Well, what do you think they will do about it?  They'll be mad at the culprits, possibly tell them they are an idiot for wrecking the practice and getting them all in trouble.  Or worse, you might even see a group of kids team up to intimidate the misbehaving kids in whatever way comes natural to them.  And then, they'll get in trouble for bullying?!!  Seriously, what did we expect?  Isn't that the point, get the team or group to whip the person back in shape?

This is wrong.  It is not teaching accountability to those who need it the most.  I believe that it is inflaming powerlessness and frustration in the many and fuelling some hopelessness about justice.  I also think that it teaches the misbehaving kids that they can get away with it and that they have the power to ruin somethin for everyone.  My kids say, it just isn't fair, and I cannot agree with them more.  I'm getting tired of the adult world preaching about bullying and not being self-observant enough to evaluate what practices we may be using that are contributing to that story.  I just don't think that we stop and think about these things enough and we should - the kids are looking to us to Lead this charge.

So, what else can we do (insert helpless shoulder shrug here)?  Have some guts and deal with the individuals as individuals.  They want to goof on in practice - sit their butt on the bench.  Individualized consequence for individual action.  This is about learning after all.  In the work world, you goof off and you get fired.  At the same time, and this is novel, praise and reward the ones who are DOING WHAT YOU ASKED!  And with both approaches, explain - teach the kids why you are doing this - teach them accountability.  They will learn it and you will be doing them and their future employers and colleagues a BIG favour. 

Thank You Dan

I lost a friend yesterday.

He was a great man.  A leader and an inspiration.

Dan Sottile gave me hope for leadership and the business world in general.  At a time when I had lost faith in the good in leaders, Dan showed up in my life.

I met Dan 9 years ago about this time of year.  I remember him asking me in my job interview what my perfect work week would look like.  I thought it was a test:).  I hesitated, then thinking of my little boys who were 3 and just over 1 at the time I told him honestly that it would be great if I could have the occasional Friday off to be with them.  As I nervously waited to see if I passed, Dan said, how about every Friday?  He accepted me, and I accepted the job.

Dan was smart, creative, full of energy, brilliant at putting together deals but most importantly, he believed in and supported people - full stop.

When I left Long View, I was pregnant with my daughter and I wanted to be home with my kids.  Dan hugged me and told me how much he believed that this was a wonderful decision for me.  He then fought for me to be paid commission on a couple of business deals that I had just closed that we had just started to do the work on.  He didn't have to, but he did - that was Dan.

I haven't seen Dan in a few years, but when the flooding happened this past spring and my family was displaced, I received a message from an old Long View colleague and friend who said that Dan had called her and asked her to reach out to me to see what I needed.  I haven't worked for Dan since 2006, but 7 years later, he remembered where I live and cared enough to check in.

Today, I feel heartbroken that the world has lost a man like Dan.  We need more Dan's - lots more.

I am so grateful to have met and worked for Dan Sottile.

Thank you Dan for showing me the kind of leadership I longed for in the world.  I will always strive to be like you - to relentlessly honour people and the contribution that they make.  I will never forget you.

Normal?

I read this blog post last week that I think really effectively sums up a lot of how many of us are feeling since the flooding in June.  If you haven't had a chance to read it, here it is...
...why so are things back to normal is not the right question

Anyways, this has inspired me to write my own response to the idea of normal...

Yesterday was the first weekend day since the beginning of September that Jeff and I did not have to go anywhere for a hockey game.  We were so thrilled to have a "free" day that guess what we did?  You got it, we donned our masks and went to our garage to scrape up the flood mud that has been sitting in the walls since June 20th.

The area of town that we live in had overland flooding which was somewhere between 2.5 & 3 feet, which meant our yard, shed and garage were full of mud and uninsurable damage.  Over the summer months, we were so consumed with getting our house and yard back in shape that our garage was last on the priority list.  But now, with winter so definitely upon us, it moved squarely to the top of that list.  Here are a few pictures of our day.

I realized that this is a perfect way to show what normal has become in our lives.  On top of the regular life stuff, this is just one example of the new activities that have now become part of how we live.  Since quitting my job in July, I have become a part-time contractor, insurance/ government administrator & policy interpreter, home organizer (keeping on top of our regular 5 person clutter in half the space we usually have), expert mud cleaner, mental health student and I even learned how to use a paint sprayer to help build the bathroom that we so badly needed.

I know many of my friends reading this will say, "why don't you ask us to help, we offered".  And that is true and I was asking myself that very question yesterday as I was scraping.  The answer really is, because even organizing help is overwhelming.  We are carrying on with the normal parts of our lives - Jeff's job and commute to Calgary, school, 4 hockey practices, 2 dance classes and 4 hockey games/week and we slide in the new normal stuff wherever we can find the space.  Often it's a last minute slot of time that comes available and we pick a task and just get to it.

When we came in from the garage, we enjoyed a beer and considered some pretty big decisions about how to move forward with refinishing our basement as our contractor is ready to start this week (yay!). Do we or do we not worry about mitigation?  Should we even do the basement again, what if it happens again next June?  What if our insurance doesn't want to renew us next year?  What if it's crazy expensive?  What if our mortgage isn't renewed?  The endless cycle of answerless 'what if's' is far more exhausting than any of the physical labour.  The uncertainty just sits weighing heavily in your brain day in and day out and all you want to do is move forward, confidently, peacefully - or whatever normal was.

And, something else that is new is helping my kids cope with grieving.  The boys aren't too bad but Abby is really struggling with all that she lost.  I know everyone says kids are resilient and I believe they are, but they still need time and patience - a ton of patience - while they process and come to terms with it all.  It doesn't help the kids that all the adults in their lives keep talking about the flood - but hey, we need to process and come to terms too!

I miss normal.  I miss loving my home and having big dreams for it.  I miss feeling safe & sure.  I miss my park and my downtown.

This is my normal.

Peace & Pumpkins

Last week I had the privilege of experiencing the most relaxing Reiki treatment at the hands of Sandy Day that I have ever had.  I can honestly say that I have never achieved that level of peace before.  After, I found myself very connected to what I 'felt' like doing for the rest of the day - extremely present and in flow.  I even chose to clean dog poop around my yard willingly and happily:).

I realized the tight connection between peace and presence.  I'm not sure if it's a chicken and egg thing, where one comes first, but I'm pretty sure that you cannot have one without the other.  Where you have peace, you have presence and where you have presence, you feel peace - a never ending wheel that I know I'd like to ride!  There are a plenitude of self-help gurus who speak, write and teach about the value of being present but I have found it a difficult thing to achieve for very long.  I have moments of being there and then tumble quickly into thinking/worrying about something coming up or looking in the rearview.  Now, with this new understanding of the importance of finding peace, I am more consciously trying to get there and maintain it.

Enter the Halloween pumpkin.

Yesterday, I remembered that Clayton needed a pumpkin at the school for today.  Shattered peace.  Ack, why didn't I buy a pumpkin when there were tons of them in stores 3 weeks ago (past regret - no peace).  Well, at the time I thought "who buys a pumpkin 3 weeks out - it'll rot!"  Racing around High River yesterday, not one pumpkin to be found!  OK, maybe there was one but it was the bottom of the box, weird shaped half rotten one likely from 3 weeks ago.  "Oh no, what if I can't find one..." (anxiety, future worry - definitely not present).  Completely frustrated by the commercial world, I mean really,  can't one store in High River carry enough pumpkin stock to actually make it to HALLOWEEN - I head to Okotoks.  All the while, muttering it's a good thing I don't have to be at a job right now!

Anyway, the point is, do you see how fast peace can slip away?  It is elusive and fragile but critical to being here, now and alive.  I mean, really LIVING!  And it can be shattered by a pumpkin.  By the way, I found not one pumpkin but three at Country Living in Okotoks - so thanks to them, I have happy kids, a restored faith in at least one member of the commercial world and I'm back to peace:).

I Don't Want to Fight Anymore

Over the past few months I've noticed something that fascinates me.  Often, when a person is standing up for themselves or something they believe in, they will reference that they are "fighting" for something.  Phrases like, "anything worth doing demands sacrifice" and "sometimes you have to be satisfied with winning the small battles in the war" and even "go get' em" are common in our language.

Why do we have to take the position that there is an opponent and start our actions from that belief?  If you believe that you are a victim and are defending yourself against some unseen force, what feelings does that bring up in you?  Helplessness, frustration, anger, defensiveness, hopelessness, exhaustion...is any of that really helpful or enjoyable?  Sure doesn't sound very fun.

I was very aware of this trend through our recent municipal election and accompanying campaigning.  I made my choices based on who didn't appear to be fighting.  I was much more attracted to those candidates who referred to community building and used hopeful, future-focused, momentum-building language along with specific, committed actions.  I think our leaders need to be very careful with and aware of the language they use and the feelings they evoke in the people they are representing.  I don't want anyone to "fight" for me - I want them to work for me and get lasting results.  One thing I know from years of leadership is that you might "win a battle" but, if you belittle someone you need you will most certainly not "win the war."

I read a quote yesterday from the Dalai Llama that speaks to this; 

"Once we have a firm practice of compassion our state of mind becomes stronger which leads to inner peace, giving rise to self-confidence, which reduces fear. This makes for constructive members of the community. Self-centredness on the other hand leads to distance, suspicion, mistrust and loneliness, with unhappiness as the result."

I don't want to appear glib or trite, but I think we in High River need to hold this quote in our hearts as we continue to march forward in our rebuild.  I know there are genuine situations where it does feel like  we as individuals are being attacked, repeatedly - but as long as we react from this position, we will get nowhere.  I'm not talking about compromising our needs or beliefs or giving up, I'm simply suggesting we think through how to position them positively with passion and relentless persistence.  

I don't know about you, but I don't want to "fight" anymore.

Reason vs. Excuse

I posted this thought on facebook the other day...when faced with a decision, there are many good reasons to do something and as many good reasons not to, only you will know which reasons matter most for you.

To which my good friend Jim responded with "Reasons or excuses. It all depends on your motivation I'm thinking."

Thank you Jim, this response got a little bit under my skin and I have sat with the idea of reason vs. excuse for 2 days now.  (By the way, this is why I write and share, I really enjoy hearing and considering all perspectives, it's like a game for me - perhaps there is an app idea that needs to be created?:)

Anyway, first I wondered, why did Jim's response get under my skin?  Clearly, I am in the space of weighing the pros and cons of a pretty big personal decision which is why I wrote the post in the first place.  I think this bugged me because I am unsure about whether the reasons I am coming up with as cons are actually excuses.  Which is a good thing, because it provides the chance to really examine them but still very difficult.  Who gets to decide whether it is a valid reason or just a really great excuse?  I'm realizing that whether something is seen as a reason or excuse has everything to do with the eyes that are doing the looking.  If you were in my shoes, you would see and feel why a reason is a perfectly good reason from my vantage point but maybe from your shoes without the full force of my perspective it will appear more like an excuse. 

My next thought was, who cares - why do I care about this anyway?  Because it matters to me what people think!!  Arghh...I HATE THAT!  Because, here's the thing - there will always be people who see my reason as an excuse - always.  So, it is pointless to care about what other people think.  It is pointless to try to have them see/feel it from your shoes because they cannot, they are not you!

Beautiful.

This now leads me to the whole idea of judgement and acceptance.  I release judging your reasons as excuses and accept from your shoes that they must be felt as valid.  Perhaps, I would make a different choice, but that is because I'm wearing different shoes:)  My goal is to practice this more.  And, my hope is that you will practice doing the same for me.

Legacy

I caught the last half of Mr. Holland's Opus on Friday - my absolute favourite movie of all time.  There are many parts of that movie that have always resonated with me, but this time something new hit me.  The part where the music department gets cut and he is forced to retire hit me like an emotional punch to the gut.  I mean, I felt bad when I saw that part before, but this time it completely broke my heart.

Then yesterday, I was at my parent's house and noticed a wonderful formal portrait of my grandpa.  Grandpa Floyd was principal of the high school in High River in the 1960's.  He gave everything to his students until he took a stand and was forced into retirement by politics.  This picture hung in the hallway of that high school until this year and a kind teacher returned it to my parents because it was going to be thrown away.  THROWN AWAY!

How often must it happen that people give their heart, soul and lifetime effort to a purpose, wanting to leave a legacy and then have it callously underappreciated and in some cases completely discarded?  What must that feel like?

I feel wounded.  I know Mr. Holland had a happy ending but doesn't it kind of make you wonder about the endings for other people that this happens to?

And then I think, maybe it doesn't matter at all.  Maybe each individual feels the personal satisfaction of  a job well done and that's all they need.  I guess all good things must come to an end and time marches forward and new people and ideas come along to add their bit to the world.  But, I can't help but think that maybe we should honour legacies for longer.

Filling Space

September is my favourite month.  Full of new beginnings and fresh starts.

This summer I left my work so that I can focus on caring for my family and rebuilding our home.  While the kids were here with me full-time, and we were living in other people's homes, and the list of to do's ever-growing and overwhelming I found myself longing for space.  Space to be still and think and focus and just, well, get it together.  September 3rd, I got that space - just like that, the kids are back in school and I have complete freedom 6 and half hours every single day of the week!

So, Tuesday morning at 8:30 am I took a deep breath and thought excitedly, what will I do with my fresh start?  

Here's the funny thing I've learned about me having space.  It's like a hole in the sand at the edge of the tide, it is constantly and immediately being filled back in.  There are so many possibilities in front of me to fill my space and I seem to frantically look to fill every groove.  Within 48 hours I had considered running for council, applied for a job and cracked off quite a few to do's.  Yesterday, I realized, here I go again - when I have space I think I have to fill it, immediately and completely.  

This is a very, very important awareness for me.  I have a lot to take care of in my home, for my family and for myself - I cannot underestimate the importance of this.  I need to focus and breathe and take smart, helpful action - one - step - at - a - time.  I must be mindful of this and be attentive to it.  So, today, I am breathing and chilling and trying very, very hard to enjoy my space without constantly figuring out how to fill it.  It feels foreign, odd, uncomfortable but so very relieving. 

Halftime

Sitting here on my couch enjoying my wonderful fireplace and some peaceful, reflective space.  I am 42 years old today.  I have been alive for 42 years!  When my cousin Fawna and I were little we'd talk about all the things we planned to do when we were 30 because that's the oldest we could possibly imagine when we were 10 - we truly couldn't fathom 42.

My age doesn't bother me - I stopped being concerned about aging when Fawna kicked cancer the first time before we had even reached our magical age of 30.  What has struck me is that I am about halfway through pretty big milestones in my life - halfway through my career, halfway through raising my kids to adulthood, possibly even halfway through my life.

So, here I am at halftime - thinking of all the things that have happened over the last 20 some years and wondering what the next half holds.  At Christmas, my family was playing that coffe table game where you ask questions and my dad asked the question 'what is one dream that you have?'  I realized in that moment that all of my dreams have come true and I have no more.  My mom thought that sounded like I was depressed but it really was just the realization that I hadn't thought about anything beyond having a good marriage, healthy children and a rewarding job.

At halftime, I find myself grateful for all that I have and knowing that it's time to dream again.

It really wasn't about him after all

Before I took my leave of absence, I thought I was doing it for my son.  As the 4 weeks of my hiatus unfolded, I realized that it was really for me.  I know that anyone reading this that is on the path to enlightenment is nodding right now whispering "of course it was".  Although I have read my share of spiritual books, I have to admit that this came as a surprise to me.  To be truthful, what I really got to is that it was for me, Clayton and the whole rest of my family.  I now believe Clayton's stress symptoms were being heightened by stress in our home, stress that I didn't see as mine but that I now do.

A little background might be helpful here.  Since July of last year, I have been working in a COO capacity with Impact Society.  A Chief Operating Officer oversees all aspects of an operation ensuring that the company vision is being executed.  In that timeframe, there was a lot of change and rebuilding and a big focus on making sure enough money was coming into the operation to fund everything.  I commute to northeast Calgary 5 days/week and Jeff does too (2 hours driving for each of us every day).  July & August were fine as the kids were on summer break.  When school & hockey started in the fall things shifted into high gear - shuttling kids to after school activities every day but one and and 3-4 hockey games every weekend - all of you parents know, this demands constant logistics.  December came and with the extra stuff around Christmas - it hit another level again.  So, now, reflecting back, it's really no surprise that January was the implosion point.

I now see that Clayton is a barometer for our home.  When things get out of whack he let's us know.  Stepping back, I realize that many aspects of what I was doing last year did not really bring me and therefore, my family, joy.  So, I did yoga, I did a reiki treatment, I walked, read, sat quietly and I found calm - and as I did, so did my son and family.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still pursuing ways to help Clayton manage his reaction to stress (he tried reiki too and loved it!) I just know now that it's for me too:)

Risky Business

If you are envisioning Tom Cruise sliding across the floor in his underwear, I'm with you, but that's not what this post is about - sorry:)

This week I purposely left my alone time - 8:30 to 3 pm each week day - open to be playful with the idea of paying attention to what would bring me joy and taking one step at a time.  On Monday morning, I had an awesome coffee with my neighbour.  She has been on a learning journey with some challenges with her own child, she shared a ton of extremely helpful insight and it felt great to connect.  That afternoon I actually felt like organizing our desk (which was a disaster) so I did and brought our household finances almost up to date.  I did it because I really felt like it not because I 'had to' and that was surprising for me.  As I was cleaning my desk, I found a card for this lady who does AMAZING reiki treatments very close to my house, so I phoned her!  She had an appointment for Wednesday.  It was unbelievable, and absolutely perfect preparation for the parent-teacher conferences and school council meeting that followed.  I have had great, deep visits with my mom, my sister-in-law, my sister, some great friends and amazingly even found lots of space for quiet, yoga and writing - and a bit of laundry and dishwashing (weird).

Today - I decided to make food for the teacher potluck at the kids' school but I needed groceries.  So, I grabbed my iPod and walked Daisy in the sunshine to Sobey's.  I was listening to Jim Cuddy (love him) and began singing along out loud - I'm sure I will become known as High River's newest crazy lady!  Anyway, as I sang, I realized that I really love singing and miss doing it (as some of you know, I used to perform a bit when I was younger).  Two talented friends names leaped into my head and I thought, I should send them a Facebook note and ask them to jam - so I did!  And Trish has already responded yes!!!

Yikes, this joy thing is becoming risky business:)!

Just Take One Step

I've been doing a fair amount of reading about the brain & anxiety in the past few weeks.  I just read that 12% of Canada's population deals with an anxiety disorder at any given time - 12% of 33 million people is just under 4 million people!

I wonder something...our culture is very focused on goal setting and planning.  Obsessed almost.  This focus fundamentally assumes that we somehow have control over the future.  Could it be possible that this assumption of control unconsciously contributes to heightened stress, worry &  fear?  I do understand that anxiety is a more complex symptom of a number of root causes, but I can't imagine that this control illusion that we are all taught from a young age is not a part of the story.

I do not suffer with an anxiety 'disorder' but I had a funny experience recently where my own  'control' programming certainly increased my anxiety.  I was contemplating taking my one month leave from work and then got immediately absorbed in 'figuring out' what would happen after the leave.  I got seriously stressed out about what the next steps would look like 'Will I go back to work full time? What if they don't want me back, what else should I do?  What if I can't find other work?  Should I go back to school?  We'll have to sell the boat...so many what if's - seriously good training for building a plan, cuz I should have a plan, right - we're supposed to have a plan. Then my counsellor friend said to me  'Jodi, just take one step.  You can't possibly know the next step until you take the first one.'  

Just Take One Step?  Not have a plan?  Flies in the face of all the planning approaches I have ever been taught - especially by leadership pundits.

Just Take One Step.  Huh?

I immediately had this visual of me stepping on a big button making a curtain slide away and a new version of the world appeared - a world I wouldn't have seen until I took that one step.

So that's what the last 3 weeks have looked like for me - one step after another with no real end goal other than 'Joy'.  The absolute opposite of control.  Feels weird, super foreign and entirely liberating.  I am feeling the opposite of anxious.  What could happen for people if we stopped perpetuating the idea that you must have a plan?  I wonder what possibilities could show up for people taking one step at a time?

If you are stressing yourself out by looking way into the future, fearing all the what if's, take it from me, let go of the idea that you are in control, that you need a 'plan' and just take one step - the next step will reveal itself and it might be entirely different than you could have imagined.

Why do we wait for crisis...

...to really learn about ourselves?

I am completely engrossed by a book that my sister-in-law leant me called 'The Whole-Brain Child". Such excellent, simple to understand information about the development of the brain and how to nurture it.  Shouldn't that be kind of parenting 101 stuff?  I mean, this raising little human beings is pretty important work isn't it?  I so could have used this knowledge in my earlier days of parenting instead of just bumbling along until I hit the pain of 'I don't know what I'm doing & I need help'.  The beauty is, this book is teaching me what is happening in my own brain as I interact with my children and how to manage that.  It even provides instruction for how to share the information with your children - which I absolutely plan to do (my kids will either love or hate their family week vacation:) Powerful stuff that I'm not sure I would have noticed before this point.

Why is this?

Maybe it's just because context/experience helps us more easily see the gaps - maybe you have to 'feel' the pain before being able to absorb the 'solution'.

I don't know, but my quest now will be to invite a more proactive approach for all of us - most importantly, for my children.  If you haven't read this book, pick it up - I highly recommend it - please don't wait for crisis.

Road to Joy

Bear with me for a moment while I bask in the glory of the cleverness of that title...

Ok, good, thanks!

Earlier this week we brought a gentleman named Ryan into our office at Impact Society for a team development session.  He is deeply trained in the Clifton Strengthfinder work and he was talking to us about leveraging our top 5 strengths as individuals and as a team.  As prep work we all had to buy the book and complete the online assessment.  It is very interesting work and a very valuable start to a fairly involved bunch of insight.  As part of my learning journey through my leave, I plan to make Jeff complete the assessment (he doesn't know this yet:) & there is a kid version that I know my boys could do (they don't know either:) - I think it will be interesting to do as a family to help with understanding each other.  (Stay tuned about that bit...)

Anyway, at the end of the session, Ryan invited us to try an interesting exercise.  He told us to put 2 headings at the top of a piece of paper 'Loved It' & 'Loathed It' and pay attention to the things that we do in a week and write them down under whatever heading they belong under.  This approach he suggested would give us some insight as to when we are really leveraging our strengths and when we are not.  I think this is an interesting approach to try out on my road to joy as I fundamentally believe that fully living in each of our unique strengths is the key to true, long lasting joy.

Incidentally, for anyone who has done the assessment, my top 5 are; strategic, ideation, activator, positivity and belief.  See you on the road to joy!

Choice Point

It has been 11.5 years since I became a mother.  11.5 years of striving to integrate family and a career that matters to me into a working model of happiness.  'Family First' is my guiding value and I have definitely had a few choice points along the way to test the strength of my commitment and resolve.  I imagine every working mother in the world can say exactly the same thing.  So, here I am again.

My 9 year old is struggling.  Overwhelmed with life and stressed out about everything.  He doesn't sleep, so none of us sleep.  Not a pretty story with a 5am wake-up call and one hour commute for both myself and my husband.  I've been feeling things sort of hanging together for a little while now but in January the unraveling became impossible to ignore.  By January 30th I was exhausted and frustrated every waking second of the day - never has the image of treading water and being pulled under felt so visceral for me.  I felt like a car stuck in the mud, pedal to the metal doing nothing more than endlessly spinning wheels.  Helpless and hopeless is not a place I sit in for long because, I know that there is always a way forward, it simply comes down to choice.

On the morning of January 30th, as I was driving to work, I dreamily imagined myself taking a 'time-out' - to get my own spirit back to health to be useful and helpful to my son & family.  Time to really focus on the learning journey sitting in front of us, learning how to be the kind of family that successfully copes with anxiety.  I spoke this idea out loud to my cousin, making it feel like an actual possibility and by the end if the day I had asked my CEO for a one month, unpaid leave of absence which he without hesitation supported.  Big decision, Yes.  Difficult choice, No.

February 9th is the beginning of my leave.  I have no idea all that lies ahead of me with this choice I've made.  I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, this is the only choice for me.  I will share this journey.