Tyranny of the Elf

With December coming to a close, I feel like I should share the latest chapter in my life with the Elf on the Shelf.

For anyone who may have missed this saga, it all started when I innocently posted this statement on my facebook feed..."The 'Elf on the Shelf' is a truly brilliant idea - I can't bring myself to buy one because I don't really have time to do more #%$&! things for Christmas - but I do admire the genius behind it."  

Magically, on December 11th, 2013 an Elf on the Shelf appeared in my home, Abby named her Crystal, I bought her a skirt (wtf?!!) and the magic began.

After completely misplacing Crystal last year, she reappeared in our lives on December 1st.  The first night, I forgot to move her - the first night!!!  Abby cried and was completely convinced that she was dead because she touched her the night before.  I assured her that Crystal was just tired from her long journey and in doing so, sealed my fate for the next long 23 days.  

Every night, as I entered that blissful relaxed state of almost asleep, I would jolt awake with a loud "shxx, I forgot to move the Elf!".  Jeff would grunt and I would begrudgingly flop out of bed and with zero creativity or enthusiasm find another spot to place the Elf.  Every now and then, I would see facebook statuses of creative and over-enthusiatic friends who somehow had the energy to place their elf in any number of inventive, clever and naughty poses and feel bad for not putting more thought into my Elf placement.  But, it didn't last:).  I told Abby we are very lucky that we got a polite Elf and that some people had very bad elves that ruined stuff in their homes - just to be proactive with an answer to the inevitable "mom, why do all my other friends' elves do silly things with toilet paper around their house and ours just moves?".

We finally get to Christmas Eve.  At 12:15 am, after wrapping Santa gifts and filling stockings, I was just beginning to doze off when I remembered...the Elf has to go back to the North Pole. Gleefully, I jumped out of bed, ran to her last perch, grabbed Crystal and threw her into the bottom drawer of my nightstand - making a mental note to be sure to find a better hiding place when I put all of the Christmas stuff away.

Yesterday, after spending a wonderful few days in Montana with friends, Abby is getting herself ready for bed when she yells..."mom, I just found something very disappointing!!!".  I run upstairs to find her pointing into my open bedside table drawer screaming, Crystal is still here!  After yelling at her - what are you doing in my private stuff (I panicked) - I sat down to console my distraught daughter.  I said, well, maybe Crystal liked it so much here, she didn't want to go home.  Then Abby started crying, saying "what if I really did kill her when I touched her mom and she couldn't get home?".  For one long second, I saw my way out.  I thought, yeah, I could say she died, throw a little Elf funeral and never have to jump out of bed to move Crystal again.  Then I found myself saying, no Abby, she probably just really loved it here, I'm sure now that we're home, she'll go.  This morning, she was gone and Abby was entirely relieved.

I feel a bit like the Grinch when his heart grew 3 sizes, I realized that I am not ready for my final child to stop believing, not yet.  So, Crystal lives on and the tyranny of the elf continues...stay tuned for the 2015 instalment:)

Choice & Ease

Historically, December has been a stress-ridden struggle for me.  A distracted month full of shoulds and have to's laden with the guilt that this is supposed to be a joyful, fun-filled time and I'm not feeling any of that.

But not this year!

This year has been the opposite - it's actually been easy and joyful.  JOYFUL!!  Exactly what the season is supposed to be.

Why?  Why is it different this year?  The overcommercialization hasn't changed.  The list of people to buy for and things to do hasn't changed.  It is me and my choices - specifically my choices around work - that has changed dramatically over the past 2 years.

The shift started in January of 2013.  I was just looking over some of my writing over the past couple of years and this blog entry from February Just Take One Step captures why December has become Joyful for me again.

2014 has been a full year of simply taking the one next step that feels right for me at that time.  I am no longer getting tangled up in all of the impossible what if's of each choice and trying to see the whole path - just stopping, listening deeply and choosing.  I have said yes to some things, I have said yes, but this is how I am willing to do it for other things and I have said no.

Each of these choices has made for a spectacular year.  I am loving the work that I am doing, the amount of work I'm doing and the way this work is allowing me to have the flexibility and time to support and enjoy my family.

The most beautiful part of it all is that I had no way of knowing at this time last year what my work would be at this point a year later.  I had no specific goal - I had a sense I wanted to serve my community, the clarity that it could not consume me and the desire to use all the best parts of myself and have fun - but no concept around what it would actually be.  And what has emerged is absolutely perfect.  I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't lived it.

I am writing this now, to remind myself to keep living this way as I move into another new year.  I am also writing this now to invite each of you to trust this way of living.  It is so freeing to move away from intense overengineering, planning and control.  It is also powerfully surprising as to what will appear for you when you allow it.

Merry Christmas & happy December - here's to many more:).