Care AND Accountability

I've just recently begun reading "Community; The Structure of Belonging" by Peter Block.  In chapter 2, I read a sentence that stopped me in my tracks.

"Care and accountability create a healthy community."

This word pairing has been on repeat in my head for the past few months and then it appears here in this book!

The reason that this phrase strikes me as so deeply relevant right now is that it seems to be very difficult in many of our societal systems to accomplish both of these at the same time. I prefer to think of our systems as communities within communities and it seems to me that it is very challenging to achieve the balance of care and accountability that is so crucial for people to thrive in our communities.  For whatever reason, we see the two concepts at opposing ends of a spectrum and seem to have people with opinions at either end who are unwilling to embrace those at the other.  The result is that we seem to swing wildly from one extreme to the next based on whatever group of people has the most power at the time.

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Accountability                                                                                                                            Care

With 3 kids in the public school system, I spend a great deal of time observing and experiencing that particular community so I will use it as an example.  In the early days of education, it was quite an authoritative and punitive system.  There were expectations and if you didn't meet them you were punished, sometimes with the strap and parents supported the system.  There wasn't a lot of knowledge of or compassion for some of the disorders that are behind some of the negative behaviours - you were expected to obey rules, no exception - it was primarily about accountability and we all knew it.  I would suggest that the best teachers I ever had were very good at balancing the care and accountability piece but the system overall was bent towards accountability.

Now that my kids are in school, I have come to see that the community or system has moved every bit towards the other end of the spectrum.  There is a wide range of codes or labels that a child can be diagnosed with, there is a lot more understanding and compassion for the underlying cause of the negative behaviours and more caring supports are in place to assist a child to thrive. I see all of this as good - a healthy move towards balance.  What I don't see as good is that we have moved away from the accountability piece. When my child has been repeatedly & negatively impacted by a behaviourally challenged child who doesn't stop, it is my child who is told simply to put up with it - it's just "insert name here".  My children speak with me quite openly about what it's like to be in classes where the teachers are continually yelling at the disruptive ones who are being extremely disrespectful and impacting the whole class - their question is "why isn't anybody doing anything about this?".  They aren't because administrators hands are tied. Parents as a whole are not on the education communities' side - we are not supporting and demanding accountability.  The only way a child is removed from a school is in extreme circumstances.  Teachers have to put up with being sworn at?  My son has his earbud in and music playing 100% of the day to retreat from the chaos that surrounds him - every day?

I long for the day where we achieve the balance that will create a healthy and successful education community.  I had a passionate debate with my father about this this weekend - he is skeptical that we can get there.  I understand that, I'm not sure that we've seen it yet.  Although, I believe there are cultures who are closer than we are, we just don't seem to like to learn from other human beings (topic for another post:).  I want my children to experience community where they feel cared for and nurtured but are also clear on the expectations and understand their accountability to the whole.

Care AND Accountability - that is a community I am committed to be a part of.

Riptides

As is very normal as a year draws to an end I found myself in some reflection space in December and quickly realized I didn't really want to be there.  It wasn't that the year hadn't been good for me, it had.  It just felt like a gigantic waste of time looking backwards.  So I made a little deal with myself for 2015 that my guiding principle will be 'no looking back' so that I am 100% available to focus on right now and my very next step.

And then came the riptide.

I received a call 2 days before Christmas and was notified that I would have to be in court in the new year as a witness for a work situation that happened 2 years ago.  I won't go into a lot of detail about the circumstances but will only say that I was part of making a business decision that did not turn out well and was quite a painful experience for me.

From New Year's day until Monday, as I tried to recall the pertinent details of the situation I could feel myself being pulled back into the disappointment, shame, frustration, hurt and anger that surrounded that point in time.  Questions like "why did this have to happen?", "what is my lesson supposed to be?", "why was I so naive to trust?" pulled at me, dragging me back and down.

Then, I stopped battling.  None of it mattered.  I did not have to get drug under by this riptide.  I can't change anything that happened - not one thing.  I can't know what my lessons are or what the reasons for this were.  I can only believe that as I move forward, my lessons will become apparent if and when they are relevant.

This is the thing about spending any energy in the past - it completely takes away the awareness and enjoyment of the presence - what is happening right here, right now.  I know that riptides will continue to come up and threaten my ability to focus on this moment and I know it will take will to ensure they don't pull me under.