My 90 day Joyous Journey ended last week and I gave myself a few days of reflection before writing about it. As always, 90 days flew by. I would like to take a moment to extend my heartfelt thanks to Wanda Herriman and her daughter for inspiring me to take this on - what a very cool experience to have shared with you.
I feel changed. The experts say that it takes 21 days to change a bad habit or develop a new one - I spent 3.5 times that focusing on joy and I would say it has definitely become a habit.
I've learned that it's true, you truly do find what you are looking for. As I focused on seeing joy, I did. Not every second of the day, but more often than I had in 'normal' life. And, it was contagious in my home. My kids would ask me about my joys and would suggest things that should be my joy for the day. Sometimes, I would ask them about what brought them joy in their day - a new conversation for us. I liked that joy was the central focus for my day, every day.
Since I stopped posting, I'm quite pleased to say that I haven't stopped noticing the things that bring me joy, I feel joy a lot - many times per day, every day.
As I looked over my posts, it was interesting for me to observe the things that brought me joy. People, my connections with people are what consistently bring joy to my life. This isn't a surprise to me, I think what was cool to see is how many wonderful people I am connected to and how each and every one of them add joy in some way to my life. I found myself wanting to take pictures many times per day as I had different moments with different people throughout the day.
Even the objects that I took pictures of or the music that I posted about - they brought me joy because of the people that they are connected to. My grandma's writing desk - joy because I know what it meant to my grandma and I love that we share a passion for writing. Music - because every song takes me to a point of time and the memory of the people that I was surrounded by at that time.
I'm also more aware now of how much I enjoy my alone time - the joy comes from being quiet and peaceful. Before this journey, I didn't realize peace and joy were as interconnected as they are for me. I used to think it was weird that I like my alone time because I enjoy my time with people so much and that didn't seem to make any sense - but now I see it as the yin to my yan. Being alone keeps me balanced. It's a bit of a 'fuel up', making it possible for me to be 100% present (or close to it) when I am with others and available for listening. I know the value of deep listening because I have felt it and I know that that kind of listening is absolutely not possible when you are preoccupied with your own stuff. My kids were off school last week and I really noticed my lack of space and how much less present I was. This is a hugely important learning for me as I move forward in the next choices I make.
Thank you for joining me in my journey. I really enjoyed knowing that you were with me in it and your likes and comments kept me motivated to keep sharing. If you've never tried it, I truly encourage you to undertake your own joyous journey. You may still see the occasional post from me and I would love to see yours:).
Monday, 28 April 2014
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Writer? A Cry for Help:)
My friend called me a writer the other day. A writer! As she said it, I got butterflies of excitement in my stomach and then that voice in my head, that wretched voice in my head began saying things like 'no I'm not, I'm not that good, not many people read what I write, I'm afraid to share my thoughts beyond my friends, I don't make any money doing it...blah, freaking blah, freaking blah'. Man, I hate that voice - do you have it too?
Anyways, since I have made some space in my life, I am noticing that I truly do love to write and when I reflect on it, I think I always have. As I look back over the past year, I think I have only published 25 blog posts, which doesn't feel like much. But, what I am feeling is this growing desire to write and share more things, more often and that is pretty cool to me. Kind of like my 'joyous journey' is showing me more joy, more often - writing is uncovering more and more thoughts and thought areas that I'd like to explore. I even had an idea for a novel float through my head when I was in Phoenix - a fictional novel - I have never, ever had that happen before, and, I've even started writing it!
So the question that is sitting in my heart today is, can I earn money as a writer? Actually, it's a slightly deeper question than that - can I earn money writing about and sharing all of the things I want to write about? And of course, the real question is - will anyone truly value my thoughts? Wow, that was tough to write - but there it is, the big and extremely scary question that I think is holding me back.
I have a bit of a block going on, maybe you can help me with it. I don't know who my writing appeals to. Seriously. Whenever the educated marketing part of me kicks in, I know that the key question to answer when figuring out how to grow a following is to define your target market. Every single time I begin to answer that, I rebel because I don't want to be pigeonholed. I think about adding categories to my writing content and then I reel because, well, I just don't want to. Do I have to? Do I have to decide what kind of label I should hang around my neck to get more attention? Here it is again, I don't want to...
So, I need your help and here is where I am going to start - why do you read my blog?
Monday, 14 April 2014
Hockey vs. School
My oldest son is at home this morning after taking a pretty good check during a hockey game yesterday, making it pretty tough to stomach the idea of sitting in a hard school chair all day. On Friday, he had to miss the last period of school to make it to hockey practice in Lethbridge on time (1 hour & 30 minutes away). Over the past 3 years, I have noticed that there is a growing trend in hockey eating into school time. Tournaments often start on Fridays and with travel for weeknight games a reality, leaving early has become quite common. I've been feeling kind of guilty about this - angry even - worrying about what this is teaching our children.
Today, as I've sat with the question "what is this teaching our children", I have gained a new perspective that I'd like to share.
I started out by thinking, what is the purpose of school? This is a question that I've pondered a lot over the past few years when my children have whined, mostly on Mondays, "aww mom, why do I have to go to school?". Besides the obvious answer that it is illegal not to go to school, what truly is the purpose? Yes, there is some knowledge that will be important to them when they are older. Being exposed to various topics gives them the opportunity to see what really interests them. In a perfect world, school shows them how to plan their work out to meet a goal and how to deliver to expectations. It teaches them how to interact with adults and other students, preparing them for how to 'get along' in society - giving them the opportunity to see where they must conform and when it is ok to voice their own thoughts & opinions. But, is school the only place where these lessons can be imparted?
I have seen my boys learn so much from their participation in hockey, these are just a few of what I see as their most important lessons;
First, they continually learn how to work with teammates to achieve a common goal. Even if they have nothing else in common off the ice, my boys have learned how to see the strengths of each of their teammates and how to work together for the best result. They've learned how to achieve as a team and lose as a team. I have wondered aloud lately if this is part of the reason boys suffer less drama in relationships as they grow than girls do. They start learning, sometimes as early as 4 years old, how to work things out with other people and move forward together.
Second, they learn work ethic and dedication. They have been shown how to work on developing specific skills to improve their game and taught how to practice. My oldest boy has spent tons of time working on his stick handling & his shot. This year, when he was injured and given a physiotherapy routine to recover, he got up every day at 6 am to do his exercises and repeated them again at night for over 6 weeks. He learned the very important lesson, if you want something, you have to work at it.
Third, for those who truly love the sport, they experience what it feels like to do something that they feel passionate about. When you know that feeling, you can be more aware of what other interests and experiences bring out the same feeling as you move through life. I believe that all people should be encouraged to live from their passion so this early exposure to living in this way is invaluable.
So, today, I am ok with missing school for hockey. As long as my kids are applying themselves 100% to the game, I believe the life lessons they are gaining are every bit as important as what they are learning from school. My boys know that we expect 100% effort in everything that they pursue, so as long as they are doing that at school when they are there and in sports when they are missing school, I feel confident they are shaping themselves to be happy, fulfilled and successful adults.
Today, as I've sat with the question "what is this teaching our children", I have gained a new perspective that I'd like to share.
I started out by thinking, what is the purpose of school? This is a question that I've pondered a lot over the past few years when my children have whined, mostly on Mondays, "aww mom, why do I have to go to school?". Besides the obvious answer that it is illegal not to go to school, what truly is the purpose? Yes, there is some knowledge that will be important to them when they are older. Being exposed to various topics gives them the opportunity to see what really interests them. In a perfect world, school shows them how to plan their work out to meet a goal and how to deliver to expectations. It teaches them how to interact with adults and other students, preparing them for how to 'get along' in society - giving them the opportunity to see where they must conform and when it is ok to voice their own thoughts & opinions. But, is school the only place where these lessons can be imparted?
I have seen my boys learn so much from their participation in hockey, these are just a few of what I see as their most important lessons;
First, they continually learn how to work with teammates to achieve a common goal. Even if they have nothing else in common off the ice, my boys have learned how to see the strengths of each of their teammates and how to work together for the best result. They've learned how to achieve as a team and lose as a team. I have wondered aloud lately if this is part of the reason boys suffer less drama in relationships as they grow than girls do. They start learning, sometimes as early as 4 years old, how to work things out with other people and move forward together.
Second, they learn work ethic and dedication. They have been shown how to work on developing specific skills to improve their game and taught how to practice. My oldest boy has spent tons of time working on his stick handling & his shot. This year, when he was injured and given a physiotherapy routine to recover, he got up every day at 6 am to do his exercises and repeated them again at night for over 6 weeks. He learned the very important lesson, if you want something, you have to work at it.
Third, for those who truly love the sport, they experience what it feels like to do something that they feel passionate about. When you know that feeling, you can be more aware of what other interests and experiences bring out the same feeling as you move through life. I believe that all people should be encouraged to live from their passion so this early exposure to living in this way is invaluable.
So, today, I am ok with missing school for hockey. As long as my kids are applying themselves 100% to the game, I believe the life lessons they are gaining are every bit as important as what they are learning from school. My boys know that we expect 100% effort in everything that they pursue, so as long as they are doing that at school when they are there and in sports when they are missing school, I feel confident they are shaping themselves to be happy, fulfilled and successful adults.
Monday, 7 April 2014
She Be 43!
This morning, basking in the glow of the all the friendship birthday love on Facebook, I sit here in my housecoat reflecting on the past year. What a fascinating year of life...
So, what are the lessons of my 43rd year that I should share?
One big lesson - lose control. Lose the idea of control - we are not and never have been "in control" of our lives - get over it. Never have I learned more about living in the present than I have in this last year - no book could have taught me the reality of what it really means to let it go.
Last year on this day, I had no idea what lay ahead of me in the following months. On the day of my 42nd birthday, if you asked me, I probably had a rough plan for the road that lay ahead. I had child care for the summer lined up, I had my full time job, I had a reno plan for my house, a list of yard work I was going to tackle in the spring time and I was going to use the heck out of my boat!
June 20th wiped out all these plans - erased every notion I had ever had about having control. I was locked out of my house. I lost possessions that I had moved across the country with me multiple times. We were homeless. We had lost the value of the equity in our home. Within three short weeks, I had left my job, moved in with a dear high school friend and his family and begun the arduous task of cleaning up from the flood.
Ever since that day, I have watched the people in my town grapple with this crippling reality for some, that we are not in control. I have heard the anger and heartbreak of what the government and insurance companies should do, why aren't they hurrying to help - all emotion lashing out at this loss of control, of certainty, of predictability. Even this spring as I listen to conversations about berms and flood mitigation, irate people demanding answers, demanding 100% assurance that we will be safe - I giggle (to myself mostly) because we still think we are in control. Whenever I have found myself frustrated by the progress of my basement rebuild or my insurance settlement, I remind myself of the lesson I was supposed to learn on June 20th - lady, you are not in control - give it over and accept that what will come, will come.
The beauty of this whole experience is that as I lose the idea of control, I am gaining in so many other ways. I know without a doubt that I am surrounded by people who love me. People who have not hesitated to offer everything to us - places to live & stay, supplies, cleaning assistance, a listening ear, clothing, etc... As I let go of the idea of control, I am finding myself open to more experiences, more opinions, more perspectives - I am gaining a happier, more fulfilled life. I am embracing the days more fully and most importantly, inviting my kids to do the same. Embarking on my 90 day 'joyous journey' has amplified this even more. I am noticing in vivid detail all the little things that bring me joy in every single moment of my days. And I am catching myself in my moments of control, laughing & letting go again.
This past weekend, a young boy in Turner Valley lost his life doing something he loved - bronc riding in rodeo. He has a facebook page with more than 2000 likes already. He is an inspiration to me. He went out doing something he loved and he reminded me that as long as I'm alive, I will choose to live - we can't possibly know (or plan for) what's coming next so we might as well enjoy the ride.
So, what are the lessons of my 43rd year that I should share?
One big lesson - lose control. Lose the idea of control - we are not and never have been "in control" of our lives - get over it. Never have I learned more about living in the present than I have in this last year - no book could have taught me the reality of what it really means to let it go.
Last year on this day, I had no idea what lay ahead of me in the following months. On the day of my 42nd birthday, if you asked me, I probably had a rough plan for the road that lay ahead. I had child care for the summer lined up, I had my full time job, I had a reno plan for my house, a list of yard work I was going to tackle in the spring time and I was going to use the heck out of my boat!
June 20th wiped out all these plans - erased every notion I had ever had about having control. I was locked out of my house. I lost possessions that I had moved across the country with me multiple times. We were homeless. We had lost the value of the equity in our home. Within three short weeks, I had left my job, moved in with a dear high school friend and his family and begun the arduous task of cleaning up from the flood.
Ever since that day, I have watched the people in my town grapple with this crippling reality for some, that we are not in control. I have heard the anger and heartbreak of what the government and insurance companies should do, why aren't they hurrying to help - all emotion lashing out at this loss of control, of certainty, of predictability. Even this spring as I listen to conversations about berms and flood mitigation, irate people demanding answers, demanding 100% assurance that we will be safe - I giggle (to myself mostly) because we still think we are in control. Whenever I have found myself frustrated by the progress of my basement rebuild or my insurance settlement, I remind myself of the lesson I was supposed to learn on June 20th - lady, you are not in control - give it over and accept that what will come, will come.
The beauty of this whole experience is that as I lose the idea of control, I am gaining in so many other ways. I know without a doubt that I am surrounded by people who love me. People who have not hesitated to offer everything to us - places to live & stay, supplies, cleaning assistance, a listening ear, clothing, etc... As I let go of the idea of control, I am finding myself open to more experiences, more opinions, more perspectives - I am gaining a happier, more fulfilled life. I am embracing the days more fully and most importantly, inviting my kids to do the same. Embarking on my 90 day 'joyous journey' has amplified this even more. I am noticing in vivid detail all the little things that bring me joy in every single moment of my days. And I am catching myself in my moments of control, laughing & letting go again.
This past weekend, a young boy in Turner Valley lost his life doing something he loved - bronc riding in rodeo. He has a facebook page with more than 2000 likes already. He is an inspiration to me. He went out doing something he loved and he reminded me that as long as I'm alive, I will choose to live - we can't possibly know (or plan for) what's coming next so we might as well enjoy the ride.
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Glimpses & Insight
I love travel. I have the good fortune of being married to someone who works for WestJet and one of the benefits extended to me as his spouse is economical travel. I also have the good fortune of having loving friends & family who are willing to support my children allowing me to take the occasional trip. So, this week, I am in Phoenix enjoying the sun for a few days.
Now, everyone probably has a reason for loving travel and believe me sunshine is definitely one of my reasons, but I have truly had an epiphany around my love for travel on this trip. The thing I love most about travel is connecting with strangers and getting a small glimpse into their lives.
Wednesday, in the shuttle bus from the parking lot to the airport I met a man and his fiance who were heading to Vegas for a 5 day pre-wedding getaway. What a great idea! Getting away together before the craziness of their final preparations for their June wedding suck them into an abyss. It was his first time to Vegas, they are staying at the Bellagio and I was every bit as excited for them as they were.
At the airport, I was good and early so I decided to get a drink. The bar was full so I asked a pair of ladies sitting at a table for 4 if I could sit beside them - promising not to eavesdrop on their conversation. As I grabbed for my gin & tonic, my finger caught the tip of my straw and flung the straw and some of my drink across the table - for those of you who know me well, this is my typical move to break the ice! Anyway, this all led to a few good chuckles and a couple of fast friends who promised to watch out for me and make sure I made it on the plane.
Once on the plane, I was seated between 2 ladies in their 50's or 60's, each of whom was flying down to meet their husbands at their condos. I learned about where they live, when they bought into Phoenix market and what they love to do while here. Today while I sat at the pool, I couldn't stop wondering about the lives of all of the people sitting at the pool. Where were they from, why were they here, what are their stories?
The epiphany or insight that I have gained is that I adore connecting with and learning about people - I love hearing about & even being part of somebody's story. I know this shouldn't be a surprise, nor will it be for many who know me, but for the first time ever I am seeing this as a gift, something I'm very good at, something that I should truly embrace and leverage. I always assumed that this is something that everybody does but when I asked Jeff if he does the same thing, he categorically said, no. When I think about it, I realize that this is the trait that has probably helped me to be successful in my career to date, I just haven't seen it as particularly special or valuable. I wonder where this will all lead to?
Now, everyone probably has a reason for loving travel and believe me sunshine is definitely one of my reasons, but I have truly had an epiphany around my love for travel on this trip. The thing I love most about travel is connecting with strangers and getting a small glimpse into their lives.
Wednesday, in the shuttle bus from the parking lot to the airport I met a man and his fiance who were heading to Vegas for a 5 day pre-wedding getaway. What a great idea! Getting away together before the craziness of their final preparations for their June wedding suck them into an abyss. It was his first time to Vegas, they are staying at the Bellagio and I was every bit as excited for them as they were.
At the airport, I was good and early so I decided to get a drink. The bar was full so I asked a pair of ladies sitting at a table for 4 if I could sit beside them - promising not to eavesdrop on their conversation. As I grabbed for my gin & tonic, my finger caught the tip of my straw and flung the straw and some of my drink across the table - for those of you who know me well, this is my typical move to break the ice! Anyway, this all led to a few good chuckles and a couple of fast friends who promised to watch out for me and make sure I made it on the plane.
Once on the plane, I was seated between 2 ladies in their 50's or 60's, each of whom was flying down to meet their husbands at their condos. I learned about where they live, when they bought into Phoenix market and what they love to do while here. Today while I sat at the pool, I couldn't stop wondering about the lives of all of the people sitting at the pool. Where were they from, why were they here, what are their stories?
The epiphany or insight that I have gained is that I adore connecting with and learning about people - I love hearing about & even being part of somebody's story. I know this shouldn't be a surprise, nor will it be for many who know me, but for the first time ever I am seeing this as a gift, something I'm very good at, something that I should truly embrace and leverage. I always assumed that this is something that everybody does but when I asked Jeff if he does the same thing, he categorically said, no. When I think about it, I realize that this is the trait that has probably helped me to be successful in my career to date, I just haven't seen it as particularly special or valuable. I wonder where this will all lead to?
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