It's Go Time!

I finally found my fitness motivation.  It's my kids.

A few weeks ago, we got a chin-up bar for Joel.  Everyone in my house can do chin-ups, except me.  Everyone!  You should see Abby go.  Jeff and Joel do those ones when your legs are horizontal at a 90 degrees...I cannot do one - really, I cannot even do half of one.

Two weeks ago, the boys started doing knuckle push-ups - you heard me - push-ups on their KNUCKLES!  I still have to do girl push-ups and not very many at that.  They had a good giggle at that one - they had never seen girl push-ups before.

The final straw...Joel pulled his right quad in hockey this weekend.  On Tuesday, I took him to his physiotherapy appointment and there were a couple of sets of stairs to get to the office.  He hopped on one leg down and up those stairs.  I thought, that looks easy, I can do that.  It's not - try it - just try hopping on one leg up 3 steps.  I have never had a great vertical but wow, that was challenging.

So yesterday, I decided, I cannot be the weak, out-of-shape member of the Dawson family and I stopped making excuses.  I dusted off my runners and went for a 20 minute run using what I learned at a running room course back in 1997 and finished off with sit-ups & push-ups.  This morning, Joel had to be up at 6 am to bike and do his physio stretches so I got up with him and rode the bike for 20 minutes.  I tried to do a chin-up - that one's going to take awhile!  I'm asking Santa to be able to do one by Christmas:).

I have tried many times over the years to establish a fitness routine that I like.  I had success a few different times but have struggled over the past 5 years.  Here's what I have learned about myself; I cannot overwhelm myself - I'm too competitive - if I try something really hard that I can't do, I will give up; fitness activities have to be fun for me and easy to fit into my day; finally, I have to have variety - if I get bored, I will quit.  Knowing all of these things, this time feels different.  I think I will be gentler and more patient with myself.  If it takes me awhile to get to a goal, that's ok - I'm not training for an Iron Man yet:).

Wish me luck - as the Mandelbaum's say in the classic Seinfeld episode - It's Go Time!

Seinfeld - It's Go Time

Punishing Many for Actions of a Few

I'm sick of this.

I think that this is a discipline technique that needs to stop. 

With all the focus on anti-bullying, I am really surprised that this is still a tactic commonly used by teachers, coaches and parents.   

You know what I'm talking about, making the whole class miss recess because a few rowdies can't be quiet;  or making the whole team do line sprints and push-ups because a couple kids are goofing off.  

I get the intent.  I'm pretty sure that the thinking is that it will teach the kids teamwork.  I think though, it does absolutely the opposite.

I listen to my kids venting their frustration about so-and-so not listening and them getting in trouble for it.  They ask me, "Mom, what are we supposed to do about it?" Well, what do you think they will do about it?  They'll be mad at the culprits, possibly tell them they are an idiot for wrecking the practice and getting them all in trouble.  Or worse, you might even see a group of kids team up to intimidate the misbehaving kids in whatever way comes natural to them.  And then, they'll get in trouble for bullying?!!  Seriously, what did we expect?  Isn't that the point, get the team or group to whip the person back in shape?

This is wrong.  It is not teaching accountability to those who need it the most.  I believe that it is inflaming powerlessness and frustration in the many and fuelling some hopelessness about justice.  I also think that it teaches the misbehaving kids that they can get away with it and that they have the power to ruin somethin for everyone.  My kids say, it just isn't fair, and I cannot agree with them more.  I'm getting tired of the adult world preaching about bullying and not being self-observant enough to evaluate what practices we may be using that are contributing to that story.  I just don't think that we stop and think about these things enough and we should - the kids are looking to us to Lead this charge.

So, what else can we do (insert helpless shoulder shrug here)?  Have some guts and deal with the individuals as individuals.  They want to goof on in practice - sit their butt on the bench.  Individualized consequence for individual action.  This is about learning after all.  In the work world, you goof off and you get fired.  At the same time, and this is novel, praise and reward the ones who are DOING WHAT YOU ASKED!  And with both approaches, explain - teach the kids why you are doing this - teach them accountability.  They will learn it and you will be doing them and their future employers and colleagues a BIG favour. 

Thank You Dan

I lost a friend yesterday.

He was a great man.  A leader and an inspiration.

Dan Sottile gave me hope for leadership and the business world in general.  At a time when I had lost faith in the good in leaders, Dan showed up in my life.

I met Dan 9 years ago about this time of year.  I remember him asking me in my job interview what my perfect work week would look like.  I thought it was a test:).  I hesitated, then thinking of my little boys who were 3 and just over 1 at the time I told him honestly that it would be great if I could have the occasional Friday off to be with them.  As I nervously waited to see if I passed, Dan said, how about every Friday?  He accepted me, and I accepted the job.

Dan was smart, creative, full of energy, brilliant at putting together deals but most importantly, he believed in and supported people - full stop.

When I left Long View, I was pregnant with my daughter and I wanted to be home with my kids.  Dan hugged me and told me how much he believed that this was a wonderful decision for me.  He then fought for me to be paid commission on a couple of business deals that I had just closed that we had just started to do the work on.  He didn't have to, but he did - that was Dan.

I haven't seen Dan in a few years, but when the flooding happened this past spring and my family was displaced, I received a message from an old Long View colleague and friend who said that Dan had called her and asked her to reach out to me to see what I needed.  I haven't worked for Dan since 2006, but 7 years later, he remembered where I live and cared enough to check in.

Today, I feel heartbroken that the world has lost a man like Dan.  We need more Dan's - lots more.

I am so grateful to have met and worked for Dan Sottile.

Thank you Dan for showing me the kind of leadership I longed for in the world.  I will always strive to be like you - to relentlessly honour people and the contribution that they make.  I will never forget you.

Normal?

I read this blog post last week that I think really effectively sums up a lot of how many of us are feeling since the flooding in June.  If you haven't had a chance to read it, here it is...
...why so are things back to normal is not the right question

Anyways, this has inspired me to write my own response to the idea of normal...

Yesterday was the first weekend day since the beginning of September that Jeff and I did not have to go anywhere for a hockey game.  We were so thrilled to have a "free" day that guess what we did?  You got it, we donned our masks and went to our garage to scrape up the flood mud that has been sitting in the walls since June 20th.

The area of town that we live in had overland flooding which was somewhere between 2.5 & 3 feet, which meant our yard, shed and garage were full of mud and uninsurable damage.  Over the summer months, we were so consumed with getting our house and yard back in shape that our garage was last on the priority list.  But now, with winter so definitely upon us, it moved squarely to the top of that list.  Here are a few pictures of our day.

I realized that this is a perfect way to show what normal has become in our lives.  On top of the regular life stuff, this is just one example of the new activities that have now become part of how we live.  Since quitting my job in July, I have become a part-time contractor, insurance/ government administrator & policy interpreter, home organizer (keeping on top of our regular 5 person clutter in half the space we usually have), expert mud cleaner, mental health student and I even learned how to use a paint sprayer to help build the bathroom that we so badly needed.

I know many of my friends reading this will say, "why don't you ask us to help, we offered".  And that is true and I was asking myself that very question yesterday as I was scraping.  The answer really is, because even organizing help is overwhelming.  We are carrying on with the normal parts of our lives - Jeff's job and commute to Calgary, school, 4 hockey practices, 2 dance classes and 4 hockey games/week and we slide in the new normal stuff wherever we can find the space.  Often it's a last minute slot of time that comes available and we pick a task and just get to it.

When we came in from the garage, we enjoyed a beer and considered some pretty big decisions about how to move forward with refinishing our basement as our contractor is ready to start this week (yay!). Do we or do we not worry about mitigation?  Should we even do the basement again, what if it happens again next June?  What if our insurance doesn't want to renew us next year?  What if it's crazy expensive?  What if our mortgage isn't renewed?  The endless cycle of answerless 'what if's' is far more exhausting than any of the physical labour.  The uncertainty just sits weighing heavily in your brain day in and day out and all you want to do is move forward, confidently, peacefully - or whatever normal was.

And, something else that is new is helping my kids cope with grieving.  The boys aren't too bad but Abby is really struggling with all that she lost.  I know everyone says kids are resilient and I believe they are, but they still need time and patience - a ton of patience - while they process and come to terms with it all.  It doesn't help the kids that all the adults in their lives keep talking about the flood - but hey, we need to process and come to terms too!

I miss normal.  I miss loving my home and having big dreams for it.  I miss feeling safe & sure.  I miss my park and my downtown.

This is my normal.