A friend of mine asked me yesterday why I seem to be absent from social media lately. Her question had a profound affect on me. I was deeply moved by the realization that she noticed - the confirmation that yes, people do truly notice each other on social media and that we have an effect on each other. This is why I am writing this post.
Everything we choose to say on social media has an effect. Every, single, thing. Every statement we make or post we share WILL positively or negatively affect our friends. I have not been on lately because I simply cannot handle the negativity.
Let me be clear - I have no issue with people having different viewpoints - that excites, stimulates and motivates me. My issue is with the way we are expressing these viewpoints. This is the difference between debate and attack. Debate is a presentation of fact with a perspective about why it is important to me - it is about my belief and presenting rationale for that belief. Attack is just that - attack on another viewpoint - often without fact. Debate is respectful - Attack is not.
Here is the irony, October was Bullying Prevention month and we had Bullying Awareness week in November. How can we preach to kids about the importance of kindness and respect and then go on the attack in the world of social media? The kids are on there you know - they see our behaviour and they model it. Are we being who we want them to see and be?
Do you want to feel sick to your stomach? Go on Rachel Notley's Facebook page and see what people are saying. Again, I don't care if you are a Notley fan or not - she has the courage to put herself on the line to serve this province and she is being attacked - every, single, second of the day. What if she was your mother, sister, daughter or friend?
I embrace freedom of speech and our individual rights to have and share different perspectives. My simple wish is that we do not take that freedom and right lightly. Before you post or comment, please, if for nobody else but our children, think about how you can go on the debate instead of the attack and have the courage to hold each other accountable. We are all better than this.
Thursday, 3 December 2015
Thursday, 17 September 2015
Join Me
This week has been a tough week. Everything I see, hear and feel is heavy. Social Media - actually all media - and even one-on-one conversations are full of sadness, anger, fear and despair. I am normally a pretty positive person and I am shocked by how heavy it all feels - I was trying to put it into words last night with my husband. No wonder we have a growing issue with anxiety and depression in our world - we are bombarded all day, every day!
So, I thought about turning it all off. I seriously thought I'd just turn it all off - but how is that really helpful? I am part of community - I have a responsibility to stay engaged and create the world I want to be a part of - I think that is what Ghandi meant when he said "be the change".
Yes, sad and scary things happen in the world. Yes, we need to deal with and express these emotions. What we do not need to do is continuously regurgitate and wallow in them. We need to release them and turn them into constructive action. We need to ask the question, "ok so this happened, what do I do now"?
I choose to focus on hope and love and fun and adventure and joy. I have this one beautiful life and a limited time on this planet so given the choice, why wouldn't I stay in these things? I invite you all to do the same. For the many negative things that people do to each other that we amplify and glorify in media there are 1000's more amazingly positive things that people do for and with each other every moment of every day - we can focus on those too. And no, I don't just mean by sharing all the meme quotes that are out there in internet land but by actively noticing the good and talking about it. Or by taking positive, constructive action around something that you are passionate about.
I subscribe to a newsletter from a site called the Good Life Project. Through that newsletter, I learned about a gentleman named Scott Dinsmore who started a movement called Live Your Legend and I learned that he passed away in an accident this weekend. I am sad but strangely inspired, why? Because at least he went out in Joy! He grabbed this life and LIVED IT! In honour of him, I share his site and invite you to think about the life that you really want to live. What life do you want to show your kids is possible? I also share the link to the Good Life Project. Enjoy and have a wonderful day.
Live Your Legend
The Good Life Project
So, I thought about turning it all off. I seriously thought I'd just turn it all off - but how is that really helpful? I am part of community - I have a responsibility to stay engaged and create the world I want to be a part of - I think that is what Ghandi meant when he said "be the change".
Yes, sad and scary things happen in the world. Yes, we need to deal with and express these emotions. What we do not need to do is continuously regurgitate and wallow in them. We need to release them and turn them into constructive action. We need to ask the question, "ok so this happened, what do I do now"?
I choose to focus on hope and love and fun and adventure and joy. I have this one beautiful life and a limited time on this planet so given the choice, why wouldn't I stay in these things? I invite you all to do the same. For the many negative things that people do to each other that we amplify and glorify in media there are 1000's more amazingly positive things that people do for and with each other every moment of every day - we can focus on those too. And no, I don't just mean by sharing all the meme quotes that are out there in internet land but by actively noticing the good and talking about it. Or by taking positive, constructive action around something that you are passionate about.
I subscribe to a newsletter from a site called the Good Life Project. Through that newsletter, I learned about a gentleman named Scott Dinsmore who started a movement called Live Your Legend and I learned that he passed away in an accident this weekend. I am sad but strangely inspired, why? Because at least he went out in Joy! He grabbed this life and LIVED IT! In honour of him, I share his site and invite you to think about the life that you really want to live. What life do you want to show your kids is possible? I also share the link to the Good Life Project. Enjoy and have a wonderful day.
Live Your Legend
The Good Life Project
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
Frantic!
Nothing makes you more aware of how frantic the world is around you than having a new driver in the house.
My 14 year old just got his learners license and believe me, it is not him that is making me feel stressed out when he is behind the wheel, it is all the other drivers who are tailgating and making illegal lane changes around us.
How can we build confidence in our young people when there is absolutely no patience for the actual learning?
Unless you are a first responder or are in a life saving situation, what on earth are you all in such a rush about? What panic is it that is forcing you to be in this much of a hurry...all...the...time? Is the constant mad rush truly necessary? Is getting to the grocery store or to work on time more important than the lives of all the other people on the road?
The crazy bit is that we do have a choice in all this. I think we tell ourselves a story that it has to be this way. But, it does not.
The next time you are aggravated on the road - please stop and have some compassion - maybe that person ahead of you is just learning. Would you appreciate being glared at or given the finger when you are trying to learn something?
Just think about it - being this frantic is having an effect on everyone - and it doesn't have to be this way!
My 14 year old just got his learners license and believe me, it is not him that is making me feel stressed out when he is behind the wheel, it is all the other drivers who are tailgating and making illegal lane changes around us.
How can we build confidence in our young people when there is absolutely no patience for the actual learning?
Unless you are a first responder or are in a life saving situation, what on earth are you all in such a rush about? What panic is it that is forcing you to be in this much of a hurry...all...the...time? Is the constant mad rush truly necessary? Is getting to the grocery store or to work on time more important than the lives of all the other people on the road?
The crazy bit is that we do have a choice in all this. I think we tell ourselves a story that it has to be this way. But, it does not.
The next time you are aggravated on the road - please stop and have some compassion - maybe that person ahead of you is just learning. Would you appreciate being glared at or given the finger when you are trying to learn something?
Just think about it - being this frantic is having an effect on everyone - and it doesn't have to be this way!
Tuesday, 24 March 2015
A Plea
I went to a funeral last Friday to say goodbye to a lovely 18 year old boy who passed away on March 12th - the victim of an accidental overdose. His stepmother has been a good friend of mine since University days. I remember when I was living in Toronto, she visited me and she had just begun dating her future husband. I remember hearing about his 2 wonderful little boys and talking a lot about the complexities of becoming involved with a person with an ex-wife and children. I remember the early days of her being a stepmom, finding her role and her voice within that role - a journey that I imagine often being more difficult than that of a mother. And now, one of her boys is gone.
The loss of this boy in the prime of his life has taken the legs out from under me. I keep telling myself this isn't about me, but I cannot deny how deeply this loss has impacted me and perhaps by sharing I can make it make a bit more sense for myself and perhaps have an impact on others.
First is the deep, deep sadness. I am so sad for my dear friend and all of this boys family. Beyond this, I am sad that there are many other teenagers out there who are right now playing Russian roulette with their lives - their lives and the lives of those who love them. I know that they feel invincible and don't believe that death can happen to them but it can, and it does. The drugs out there today can be a one time death - do we all get that - one time! It is not worth it. How do we help people understand?
Deep questions plague me around why kids are messing with these drugs. Is their pain so deep that they are desperate to do anything to avoid it? Or, are they just bored with life and looking for a thrill? I know it's a both/and story with hundreds of variations in between - so how do we make it stop? Is loving them enough?
Second, I am terrified. My oldest son is just stepping into his teenage years. Will he be able to manage? What might push him over the edge? How do I make sure he makes it through? What about his friends and their families? I know some kids his age are dabbling in stuff now - 13 & 14 years old - what do we do about that? Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are totally alone in our concern and our fear - so many other people don't see this experimentation as a big deal. It is a big deal, a huge deal - this is life changing stuff.
I have a plea for all the beautiful teens in my life. Please, know that you are loved. Know that you being here, alive - it's important. You may not know yet what gifts you hold or how they will be put to use but know for sure that they are valuable. You may not see that you matter to people around you, but trust me, you do. When you are struggling or suffering, reach out. Let somebody close to you into your world. No one can suffer alone and nothing is more important than being there for another human being. I cannot bear the thought of one more life lost or one more family grieving the hole that is left in their lives. Please when temptation is in front of you, remember these words.
The loss of this boy in the prime of his life has taken the legs out from under me. I keep telling myself this isn't about me, but I cannot deny how deeply this loss has impacted me and perhaps by sharing I can make it make a bit more sense for myself and perhaps have an impact on others.
First is the deep, deep sadness. I am so sad for my dear friend and all of this boys family. Beyond this, I am sad that there are many other teenagers out there who are right now playing Russian roulette with their lives - their lives and the lives of those who love them. I know that they feel invincible and don't believe that death can happen to them but it can, and it does. The drugs out there today can be a one time death - do we all get that - one time! It is not worth it. How do we help people understand?
Deep questions plague me around why kids are messing with these drugs. Is their pain so deep that they are desperate to do anything to avoid it? Or, are they just bored with life and looking for a thrill? I know it's a both/and story with hundreds of variations in between - so how do we make it stop? Is loving them enough?
Second, I am terrified. My oldest son is just stepping into his teenage years. Will he be able to manage? What might push him over the edge? How do I make sure he makes it through? What about his friends and their families? I know some kids his age are dabbling in stuff now - 13 & 14 years old - what do we do about that? Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are totally alone in our concern and our fear - so many other people don't see this experimentation as a big deal. It is a big deal, a huge deal - this is life changing stuff.
I have a plea for all the beautiful teens in my life. Please, know that you are loved. Know that you being here, alive - it's important. You may not know yet what gifts you hold or how they will be put to use but know for sure that they are valuable. You may not see that you matter to people around you, but trust me, you do. When you are struggling or suffering, reach out. Let somebody close to you into your world. No one can suffer alone and nothing is more important than being there for another human being. I cannot bear the thought of one more life lost or one more family grieving the hole that is left in their lives. Please when temptation is in front of you, remember these words.
Monday, 19 January 2015
Care AND Accountability
I've just recently begun reading "Community; The Structure of Belonging" by Peter Block. In chapter 2, I read a sentence that stopped me in my tracks.
The reason that this phrase strikes me as so deeply relevant right now is that it seems to be very difficult in many of our societal systems to accomplish both of these at the same time. I prefer to think of our systems as communities within communities and it seems to me that it is very challenging to achieve the balance of care and accountability that is so crucial for people to thrive in our communities. For whatever reason, we see the two concepts at opposing ends of a spectrum and seem to have people with opinions at either end who are unwilling to embrace those at the other. The result is that we seem to swing wildly from one extreme to the next based on whatever group of people has the most power at the time.
]_____________________________________*______________________________________[
Accountability Care
With 3 kids in the public school system, I spend a great deal of time observing and experiencing that particular community so I will use it as an example. In the early days of education, it was quite an authoritative and punitive system. There were expectations and if you didn't meet them you were punished, sometimes with the strap and parents supported the system. There wasn't a lot of knowledge of or compassion for some of the disorders that are behind some of the negative behaviours - you were expected to obey rules, no exception - it was primarily about accountability and we all knew it. I would suggest that the best teachers I ever had were very good at balancing the care and accountability piece but the system overall was bent towards accountability.
Now that my kids are in school, I have come to see that the community or system has moved every bit towards the other end of the spectrum. There is a wide range of codes or labels that a child can be diagnosed with, there is a lot more understanding and compassion for the underlying cause of the negative behaviours and more caring supports are in place to assist a child to thrive. I see all of this as good - a healthy move towards balance. What I don't see as good is that we have moved away from the accountability piece. When my child has been repeatedly & negatively impacted by a behaviourally challenged child who doesn't stop, it is my child who is told simply to put up with it - it's just "insert name here". My children speak with me quite openly about what it's like to be in classes where the teachers are continually yelling at the disruptive ones who are being extremely disrespectful and impacting the whole class - their question is "why isn't anybody doing anything about this?". They aren't because administrators hands are tied. Parents as a whole are not on the education communities' side - we are not supporting and demanding accountability. The only way a child is removed from a school is in extreme circumstances. Teachers have to put up with being sworn at? My son has his earbud in and music playing 100% of the day to retreat from the chaos that surrounds him - every day?
I long for the day where we achieve the balance that will create a healthy and successful education community. I had a passionate debate with my father about this this weekend - he is skeptical that we can get there. I understand that, I'm not sure that we've seen it yet. Although, I believe there are cultures who are closer than we are, we just don't seem to like to learn from other human beings (topic for another post:). I want my children to experience community where they feel cared for and nurtured but are also clear on the expectations and understand their accountability to the whole.
Care AND Accountability - that is a community I am committed to be a part of.
"Care and accountability create a healthy community."
This word pairing has been on repeat in my head for the past few months and then it appears here in this book!The reason that this phrase strikes me as so deeply relevant right now is that it seems to be very difficult in many of our societal systems to accomplish both of these at the same time. I prefer to think of our systems as communities within communities and it seems to me that it is very challenging to achieve the balance of care and accountability that is so crucial for people to thrive in our communities. For whatever reason, we see the two concepts at opposing ends of a spectrum and seem to have people with opinions at either end who are unwilling to embrace those at the other. The result is that we seem to swing wildly from one extreme to the next based on whatever group of people has the most power at the time.
]_____________________________________*______________________________________[
Accountability Care
Now that my kids are in school, I have come to see that the community or system has moved every bit towards the other end of the spectrum. There is a wide range of codes or labels that a child can be diagnosed with, there is a lot more understanding and compassion for the underlying cause of the negative behaviours and more caring supports are in place to assist a child to thrive. I see all of this as good - a healthy move towards balance. What I don't see as good is that we have moved away from the accountability piece. When my child has been repeatedly & negatively impacted by a behaviourally challenged child who doesn't stop, it is my child who is told simply to put up with it - it's just "insert name here". My children speak with me quite openly about what it's like to be in classes where the teachers are continually yelling at the disruptive ones who are being extremely disrespectful and impacting the whole class - their question is "why isn't anybody doing anything about this?". They aren't because administrators hands are tied. Parents as a whole are not on the education communities' side - we are not supporting and demanding accountability. The only way a child is removed from a school is in extreme circumstances. Teachers have to put up with being sworn at? My son has his earbud in and music playing 100% of the day to retreat from the chaos that surrounds him - every day?
I long for the day where we achieve the balance that will create a healthy and successful education community. I had a passionate debate with my father about this this weekend - he is skeptical that we can get there. I understand that, I'm not sure that we've seen it yet. Although, I believe there are cultures who are closer than we are, we just don't seem to like to learn from other human beings (topic for another post:). I want my children to experience community where they feel cared for and nurtured but are also clear on the expectations and understand their accountability to the whole.
Care AND Accountability - that is a community I am committed to be a part of.
Friday, 9 January 2015
Riptides
As is very normal as a year draws to an end I found myself in some reflection space in December and quickly realized I didn't really want to be there. It wasn't that the year hadn't been good for me, it had. It just felt like a gigantic waste of time looking backwards. So I made a little deal with myself for 2015 that my guiding principle will be 'no looking back' so that I am 100% available to focus on right now and my very next step.
And then came the riptide.
I received a call 2 days before Christmas and was notified that I would have to be in court in the new year as a witness for a work situation that happened 2 years ago. I won't go into a lot of detail about the circumstances but will only say that I was part of making a business decision that did not turn out well and was quite a painful experience for me.
From New Year's day until Monday, as I tried to recall the pertinent details of the situation I could feel myself being pulled back into the disappointment, shame, frustration, hurt and anger that surrounded that point in time. Questions like "why did this have to happen?", "what is my lesson supposed to be?", "why was I so naive to trust?" pulled at me, dragging me back and down.
Then, I stopped battling. None of it mattered. I did not have to get drug under by this riptide. I can't change anything that happened - not one thing. I can't know what my lessons are or what the reasons for this were. I can only believe that as I move forward, my lessons will become apparent if and when they are relevant.
This is the thing about spending any energy in the past - it completely takes away the awareness and enjoyment of the presence - what is happening right here, right now. I know that riptides will continue to come up and threaten my ability to focus on this moment and I know it will take will to ensure they don't pull me under.
And then came the riptide.
I received a call 2 days before Christmas and was notified that I would have to be in court in the new year as a witness for a work situation that happened 2 years ago. I won't go into a lot of detail about the circumstances but will only say that I was part of making a business decision that did not turn out well and was quite a painful experience for me.
From New Year's day until Monday, as I tried to recall the pertinent details of the situation I could feel myself being pulled back into the disappointment, shame, frustration, hurt and anger that surrounded that point in time. Questions like "why did this have to happen?", "what is my lesson supposed to be?", "why was I so naive to trust?" pulled at me, dragging me back and down.
Then, I stopped battling. None of it mattered. I did not have to get drug under by this riptide. I can't change anything that happened - not one thing. I can't know what my lessons are or what the reasons for this were. I can only believe that as I move forward, my lessons will become apparent if and when they are relevant.
This is the thing about spending any energy in the past - it completely takes away the awareness and enjoyment of the presence - what is happening right here, right now. I know that riptides will continue to come up and threaten my ability to focus on this moment and I know it will take will to ensure they don't pull me under.
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