It really wasn't about him after all

Before I took my leave of absence, I thought I was doing it for my son.  As the 4 weeks of my hiatus unfolded, I realized that it was really for me.  I know that anyone reading this that is on the path to enlightenment is nodding right now whispering "of course it was".  Although I have read my share of spiritual books, I have to admit that this came as a surprise to me.  To be truthful, what I really got to is that it was for me, Clayton and the whole rest of my family.  I now believe Clayton's stress symptoms were being heightened by stress in our home, stress that I didn't see as mine but that I now do.

A little background might be helpful here.  Since July of last year, I have been working in a COO capacity with Impact Society.  A Chief Operating Officer oversees all aspects of an operation ensuring that the company vision is being executed.  In that timeframe, there was a lot of change and rebuilding and a big focus on making sure enough money was coming into the operation to fund everything.  I commute to northeast Calgary 5 days/week and Jeff does too (2 hours driving for each of us every day).  July & August were fine as the kids were on summer break.  When school & hockey started in the fall things shifted into high gear - shuttling kids to after school activities every day but one and and 3-4 hockey games every weekend - all of you parents know, this demands constant logistics.  December came and with the extra stuff around Christmas - it hit another level again.  So, now, reflecting back, it's really no surprise that January was the implosion point.

I now see that Clayton is a barometer for our home.  When things get out of whack he let's us know.  Stepping back, I realize that many aspects of what I was doing last year did not really bring me and therefore, my family, joy.  So, I did yoga, I did a reiki treatment, I walked, read, sat quietly and I found calm - and as I did, so did my son and family.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still pursuing ways to help Clayton manage his reaction to stress (he tried reiki too and loved it!) I just know now that it's for me too:)