Grief

I've been thinking alot about grief lately.  My predominant thought is that as long as we are moving forward there will always be some amount of grief because we are leaving something behind.  I wish we would talk about this more often so that grief becomes more normal to not only to talk about but also to feel. 

I think that we only ever acknowledge and talk about grief when something 'big' happens - illness, death, divorce...  But, what if we acknowledged and accepted that there is grief in the simple things too - changing teachers, new schools, babies' first step? Anything new is of course something to celebrate, but we have to be real with the part that we are saying good-bye to.  

I just became acutely aware that I am moving into a new parenting era as my oldest son nears becoming a teen.  As I've sat with that, I have allowed myself not to fear what's coming so much as to let go of what was.  He is no longer a 'child' and his needs from me are much different than they were.  I will miss the old Joel, even though I will love and embrace the new one.  We don't talk about this part of parenting enough.

As I walk around my hometown with the daily reminders of last year's flood, I feel grief.  I grieve the town that I grew up in - it is gone.  I grieve the town that I raised my babies in, it is gone.  I watched the house 2 doors to the north of me and 2 doors to the south get torn down.  I watched as the one family's 16 year old daughter videotaped the demolition of her family home and I cried.  I know families that grew up in both of those homes and it's hard not to connect with how it must be feeling for them.  I am excited about the refresh that the town is going through, but I am also saying goodbye to the town I once knew.  Both feelings are real, both are ok and I think we should talk about that so that we don't feel alone.  Grief is as 'normal' as joy.

There have been a number of changes in my life over the past couple of years - some I openly talk about, some I don't - but, I am extremely aware of the presence of grief that sits alongside the presence of new and I am allowing it.

Then, after crystallizing all of these thoughts, I read this Rumi quote today;

'Don't grieve.  Anything you lose comes round in another form.'

So, now there is a new question for me - what is it that I am truly grieving?  If I look at each of these change situations, what is the truth behind the grief and what could replace that?  How will I know the 'replacement' when it appears?  I don't know - pretty heady stuff - but it is worth the extra consideration. 

Anyway, I don't want grief to be a taboo topic anymore.  Just because I'm feeling it or you're feeling it doesn't mean that we are defined by it - no mom, I'm not depressed - I'm just aware that there is grief sitting beside my joy, not all the time, but lots of times and I'm willing to share that with you and maybe if it's ok for me, it will be more ok for you.