I think that this is a discipline technique that needs to stop.
With all the focus on anti-bullying, I am really surprised that this is still a tactic commonly used by teachers, coaches and parents.
You know what I'm talking about, making the whole class miss recess because a few rowdies can't be quiet; or making the whole team do line sprints and push-ups because a couple kids are goofing off.
I get the intent. I'm pretty sure that the thinking is that it will teach the kids teamwork. I think though, it does absolutely the opposite.
I listen to my kids venting their frustration about so-and-so not listening and them getting in trouble for it. They ask me, "Mom, what are we supposed to do about it?" Well, what do you think they will do about it? They'll be mad at the culprits, possibly tell them they are an idiot for wrecking the practice and getting them all in trouble. Or worse, you might even see a group of kids team up to intimidate the misbehaving kids in whatever way comes natural to them. And then, they'll get in trouble for bullying?!! Seriously, what did we expect? Isn't that the point, get the team or group to whip the person back in shape?
This is wrong. It is not teaching accountability to those who need it the most. I believe that it is inflaming powerlessness and frustration in the many and fuelling some hopelessness about justice. I also think that it teaches the misbehaving kids that they can get away with it and that they have the power to ruin somethin for everyone. My kids say, it just isn't fair, and I cannot agree with them more. I'm getting tired of the adult world preaching about bullying and not being self-observant enough to evaluate what practices we may be using that are contributing to that story. I just don't think that we stop and think about these things enough and we should - the kids are looking to us to Lead this charge.
So, what else can we do (insert helpless shoulder shrug here)? Have some guts and deal with the individuals as individuals. They want to goof on in practice - sit their butt on the bench. Individualized consequence for individual action. This is about learning after all. In the work world, you goof off and you get fired. At the same time, and this is novel, praise and reward the ones who are DOING WHAT YOU ASKED! And with both approaches, explain - teach the kids why you are doing this - teach them accountability. They will learn it and you will be doing them and their future employers and colleagues a BIG favour.
I agree with you Jodi. On the other end of the spectrum, the kids who consistently misbehave will get rewarded with the same trophy or end-of-year-party. If you had to spend most practices or recesses on the bench, you should not be entitled to join the party. That teaches the wrong message too. It's like chasing your tail.
ReplyDeleteIt's always about getting to "why" isn't it? Why are some kids goofing off? Some might in a sport because they feel intimidated in some way - so being the class clown or misbehaving hides their own perceived "lack" (of confidence, of skill). Let's not coddle them if it's truly misbehaving out of some joy of getting everyone else in trouble. But understanding why they are certainly must determine the consequence. I agree that individual behaviour should warrant an individual outcome. So grateful in our kids' sports that has nearly always been the case. The few times it has not it has not harmed my kids, but it has been rare. Then again, my kids train in a "team" but compete individually so in an individual sport the ultimate outcome of goofing off or bad behaviour is seen in their own execution of their talents or attitude. Not necessarily winning all the time, but having a winning behaviour even if they lose. Think the whole team sport approach can have life lessons even in the bad experiences though --- like teaching our kids what kind of adults they do NOT want to be. The conversation about what happens after is what matters most. When they can't control a situation, one "what can we do?" answer might be: "Learn from this and decide when you are a coach/teacher/parent what you would do different." They will be junior coaches one day -- the day is not long from now. Teachable moment to frame their options when they get to BE the leader.
ReplyDeleteThese are the first comments I've actually received on my site - thank you ladies! Very insightful. I hope that I am inviting consideration about what other approaches might be possible. I know that we as adults only act in a way that we've learned and it takes real conscious effort and willingness to learn other ways. I hope that I am not seen as attacking, I mean, I get it, it's not easy but my hope is that we will start to try other approaches.
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