Anti-Achievement

Today I'm sitting wondering why the world seems to have become so against rewarding achievement in children.

I just spent the weekend at a hockey tournament in Caroline with my second son.  It was a Tier 5, Atom tournament which for anyone who doesn't know hockey, is 9-11 year old kids and 5 levels below the most competitive one for that age group.  Our team played excellent hockey, probably the best I've seen them play all year - every kid gave maximum effort and they ended up winning the tournament.  When it came down to receiving their awards, the organizers gave the winning team and the losing team the same award.  It was very interesting watching the kids, because all of them noticed it.  All of these kids asked the same question, why did we get the same award as the losing team when we won?

So, what are your thoughts - why did they?

I have a lot of thoughts about this one.  I think there was an assumption made about Tier 5 hockey players.  Just because they aren't the most elite players, the thinking was perhaps that winning doesn't really matter to them.  Or possibly, because they aren't elite players maybe it's just about promoting everyone having fun and there isn't really a winner.  If that's the case, why keep score at all?

Here's the thing I've noticed, winning always matters to kids.  It may be to different degrees in each kid, but it matters.  Watch them when they are free-playing and organizing their own games - there is always a way to "win".  It feels like it is just a natural part of what makes us human and I think it's ok.  It is ok to want to achieve, in fact it's more than ok, that is what makes our world work.  In the work world, adults that strive to achieve get raises and promotions.  As employers, we want our people to achieve.

I feel that with kids, the pendulum has swung to far in the opposite direction.  In an effort to eliminate uber-competitive, downright nasty behaviour that does hurt feelings, we've eliminated rewarding achievement full-stop.  This is not serving our kids.  Why can't we positively recognize the strengths and efforts of the achievers?  Why should they not feel good about that?  There is a way to recognize achievers without hurting those that have other strengths.  The real thing we should be teaching is sportsmanship and humility.

Now, I know there are some of you that are probably thinking external reward and recognition is not what it's all about, that children should just get self-satisfaction and feel good about their winning effort.  OK - I get that, and I think they do.  But think about it, if you over-achieve at work and your co-worker just drifts along and you never get a raise, how self-satisfied do you think you would be?  How long do you think you would keep trying extra hard and over-achieving?  Come on, really think about it.  External reward does matter - it keeps us going.

I've watched this anti-achievement sentiment in other arenas than sports too.  I watched my oldest son bust his butt to get an assignment done and handed in on time when he was in grade 5 - numerous times.  When I asked, how did you do he said, I don't know, some kids didn't hand theirs in so the due date was extended.  What do you think he learned from that?  How important do you think he takes due dates now in grade 7?  I keep telling him to do the right thing and be proud but seriously....

When I read a story this past fall about a school in Calgary eliminating the honour roll I felt absolutely sick.  I was an honour roll student and getting on that list mattered a lot to me.  I wasn't a sports superstar so academics was my thing.  I think it made the difference between being and 80's student and being a 90's student.  I believe knowing that my name would be acknowledge made me work 10% harder at least.  Don't we want that?

Achievement needs to matter again.  Not with a 'winning at all costs' mentality attached to it - but let's work at teaching that instead of taking away recognition for those who deserve it.