This morning, basking in the glow of the all the friendship birthday love on Facebook, I sit here in my housecoat reflecting on the past year. What a fascinating year of life...
So, what are the lessons of my 43rd year that I should share?
One big lesson - lose control. Lose the idea of control - we are not and never have been "in control" of our lives - get over it. Never have I learned more about living in the present than I have in this last year - no book could have taught me the reality of what it really means to let it go.
Last year on this day, I had no idea what lay ahead of me in the following months. On the day of my 42nd birthday, if you asked me, I probably had a rough plan for the road that lay ahead. I had child care for the summer lined up, I had my full time job, I had a reno plan for my house, a list of yard work I was going to tackle in the spring time and I was going to use the heck out of my boat!
June 20th wiped out all these plans - erased every notion I had ever had about having control. I was locked out of my house. I lost possessions that I had moved across the country with me multiple times. We were homeless. We had lost the value of the equity in our home. Within three short weeks, I had left my job, moved in with a dear high school friend and his family and begun the arduous task of cleaning up from the flood.
Ever since that day, I have watched the people in my town grapple with this crippling reality for some, that we are not in control. I have heard the anger and heartbreak of what the government and insurance companies should do, why aren't they hurrying to help - all emotion lashing out at this loss of control, of certainty, of predictability. Even this spring as I listen to conversations about berms and flood mitigation, irate people demanding answers, demanding 100% assurance that we will be safe - I giggle (to myself mostly) because we still think we are in control. Whenever I have found myself frustrated by the progress of my basement rebuild or my insurance settlement, I remind myself of the lesson I was supposed to learn on June 20th - lady, you are not in control - give it over and accept that what will come, will come.
The beauty of this whole experience is that as I lose the idea of control, I am gaining in so many other ways. I know without a doubt that I am surrounded by people who love me. People who have not hesitated to offer everything to us - places to live & stay, supplies, cleaning assistance, a listening ear, clothing, etc... As I let go of the idea of control, I am finding myself open to more experiences, more opinions, more perspectives - I am gaining a happier, more fulfilled life. I am embracing the days more fully and most importantly, inviting my kids to do the same. Embarking on my 90 day 'joyous journey' has amplified this even more. I am noticing in vivid detail all the little things that bring me joy in every single moment of my days. And I am catching myself in my moments of control, laughing & letting go again.
This past weekend, a young boy in Turner Valley lost his life doing something he loved - bronc riding in rodeo. He has a facebook page with more than 2000 likes already. He is an inspiration to me. He went out doing something he loved and he reminded me that as long as I'm alive, I will choose to live - we can't possibly know (or plan for) what's coming next so we might as well enjoy the ride.
No comments:
Post a Comment