Aging
Remember when you were a kid and you'd talk about what you were going to do, be and have when you grew up? You would talk about a career, a spouse, children, maybe a handful of other adventures - a future full of life. In the last year, I've realized that those dreams of childhood took me through to about 40. I truly did not dream beyond those things I talked about when I was 5. So today, sure, I dream about weddings for my children and enjoying grandchildren, but what dreams do I hold for ME? The truth is, I am now on the downside of the curve. The average global life expectancy is currently 71 years old and I am more than half way there. It is a fact.
It's fun when you are on the upside of the curve to talk about all the possibilities that the future holds. Nobody wants to talk about the downside of the curve. We want to pretend that we are invincible - anyone who tries to talk about what it feels like to look towards the ending gets blown off because it's too depressing. So what? It's real, it's on people's minds and we should talk about it. Maybe if we were more OK talking about it, people wouldn't turn inside and end up with mental illness?
It's fun when you are on the upside of the curve to talk about all the possibilities that the future holds. Nobody wants to talk about the downside of the curve. We want to pretend that we are invincible - anyone who tries to talk about what it feels like to look towards the ending gets blown off because it's too depressing. So what? It's real, it's on people's minds and we should talk about it. Maybe if we were more OK talking about it, people wouldn't turn inside and end up with mental illness?
Death
We will all die at some point. We have become so fixated on longevity I think that we actually believe we can outrun death. We cannot so let's talk about it. Death is an end to what we know and it is sad for the people who are left but it is a reality for 100% of us. We have got to be able to talk about this and listen to and really hear each other.
Quality of Life & Choice
I now understand that Robin Williams was dealing with early onset Parkinson's. Why shouldn't someone who has such a wonderful, fulfilling and long life be able to make the choice to exit with dignity? Why is it 'better' in our minds for him to hang around and battle every day as he slowly deteriorates towards the inevitable? A very good friend of our family made the same choice a few years ago when he was diagnosed with an incurable and painful illness. I get it. Why not go out as the you that people know? We are 100% responsible for our own happiness, why should we not have the ultimate choice as to whether we want to hang around any longer?
A few years ago, my grandmother who has lived in High River for most of her adult life, was given 24 hours notice before being moved from the manor to an assisted living space in Claresholm. 24 hours to say goodbye to her hometown knowing she would never return. Nobody was there to talk to her about it. I sat with her and asked her how she was feeling. She said, I don't know what to feel, I am numb. Then, when I went to see her in her new home, she was surrounded by elderly, many staring vacantly at walls, most on anti-depressants of some kind. That was the worst of all - I don't want to go like that. Is that quality of life? Man, given a choice, I would want to say goodbye to this earth in my time, my way - I'm just being honest.
Quality of Life & Choice
I now understand that Robin Williams was dealing with early onset Parkinson's. Why shouldn't someone who has such a wonderful, fulfilling and long life be able to make the choice to exit with dignity? Why is it 'better' in our minds for him to hang around and battle every day as he slowly deteriorates towards the inevitable? A very good friend of our family made the same choice a few years ago when he was diagnosed with an incurable and painful illness. I get it. Why not go out as the you that people know? We are 100% responsible for our own happiness, why should we not have the ultimate choice as to whether we want to hang around any longer?
A few years ago, my grandmother who has lived in High River for most of her adult life, was given 24 hours notice before being moved from the manor to an assisted living space in Claresholm. 24 hours to say goodbye to her hometown knowing she would never return. Nobody was there to talk to her about it. I sat with her and asked her how she was feeling. She said, I don't know what to feel, I am numb. Then, when I went to see her in her new home, she was surrounded by elderly, many staring vacantly at walls, most on anti-depressants of some kind. That was the worst of all - I don't want to go like that. Is that quality of life? Man, given a choice, I would want to say goodbye to this earth in my time, my way - I'm just being honest.
Selfishness
The word selfish brings up more anger in me than any other word in the English vocabulary. Isn't it ironic that we label someone who chooses to bring an end to their life of misery as selfish and we don't apply the same label to the people who are fixated on that person remaining in their personal misery for the sake of their happiness? This makes no sense to me. Me wanting someone to fight and persevere because I don't want to let them go is every bit as 'selfish' so let's just abandon the word entirely.
Finally, we cannot know what it is to live in another person's shoes. We may have some idea, but we absolutely cannot KNOW so let's stop passing judgement and opinion. Let's open up our ears and hearts, be compassionate, listen and honour each other enough to allow each and every one of us to be heard. Don't listen to fix things - just listen.
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